Soledad's Journal

Title: SPECIAL UNIT 3
Author: Soledad

Fandom: Torchwood/Special Unit 2 x-over, with a guest appearance of the Tenth Doctor.
Category: Heavy-duty Gwen bashing and a great deal of silliness.
Rating: 14+, for language.
Genre: Crackfic, with gender bending, body swap, whatever – the whole nine miles. Including mpreg, this time... well, sort of.
Series: none
Timeframe: indefinite. Perhaps “Sleepers”, from Series 2 for Torchwood, but not necessarily.
Summary: Once again, Gwen fumbles around with something she was told not to touch. The consequences are… unusual.

Disclaimer: the usual: don’t own, don’t sue! Everything belongs to RTD and BBC - and UPN, respectively.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
EPILOGUE

Author’s notes:
Well, I thought if the story’s over, it could at least go out with a bang. ;) I've never in my life finished a story quite this quickly.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Six months later the artefact was recharged and as ready as it would ever be. Both the Doctor and Archie McAllister got messages from Jack, though, to wait with their return until further notice. There was no detail, no explanation. So – following Tosh’ suggestion – the Doctor called Martha, who in turn called her little sister Tish, who was recently working as a part-time receptionist for Torchwood Three, and so they all figured out the reason in no time.

Ianto was pregnant.

While he and Jack generally practiced safer sex, a minor accident had happened during one of their more… energetic sessions, and Ianto got knocked up. After the first shock, they decided to keep the baby and cajoled Ianto’s sister Rhiannon to raise it alongside her own two kids. Torchwood was not the place to raise a baby, after all.

They hadn’t told Rhiannon the whole truth, of course – not that she’d ever believe it. She thought that “Alice” was a surrogate mother who carried the baby to term for Jack and Ianto for money, while Ianto’s apparent absence was explained by telling her that her brother was temporarily reassigned to Glasgow to help cleaning up the archives there.

This meant, however, that Ianto couldn’t be changed back just yet; no-one could tell what would become of the baby, not even the doctor. So they had to wait. All of them had to wait, as they couldn’t hope to make the artefact work for a third time. Even the second chance was more than a little doubtful.
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~The End~

Title: SPECIAL UNIT 3
Author: Soledad

Fandom: Torchwood/Special Unit 2 x-over, with a guest appearance of the Tenth Doctor.
Category: Heavy-duty Gwen bashing and a great deal of silliness.
Rating: 14+, for language. Owen is not happy, and it shows.
Genre: Crackfic, with gender bending, body swap, whatever – the whole nine miles.
Series: none
Timeframe: indefinite. Perhaps “Sleepers”, from Series 2 for Torchwood, but not necessarily.
Summary: Once again, Gwen fumbles around with something she was told not to touch. The consequences are… unusual.

Disclaimer: the usual: don’t own, don’t sue! Everything belongs to RTD and BBC - and UPN, respectively.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
PART SEVEN: SCREW IT ALL, WE NEED A DOCTOR HERE!

Author’s notes:
Personally, I prefer Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor. Perhaps it’s an age-related thing. But given canon timeline, I had to go for the Tenth Doctor here, so the special guest appearance goes to David Tennant. Applause, please!

And yeah, I know the technobabble is rubbish. It isn’t meant to be taken seriously, either.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Martha, loyal soul that she was, promised to contact the Doctor as soon as she got home. Considering the adventurous meanderings of the TARDIS through space and time, however, it could take everything from ten minutes to ten years to hunt the Time Lord down, and so Jack ordered everyone to return to normal routine. Whatever they might look like at the moment, they still had a job to do, and since they had Andy (officially still on sick leave) instead of Gwen the Gnome, they even had the usual numbers.

It wasn’t that any of his fellow policemen would recognize Andy in his current form anyway.

Fortunately, the effect that had turned Janet into a petrified Gargoyle seemed to have worked for the rest of the Weevils as well. Reports about stone monsters in the sewers kept flooding in, of course. A slightly obsessed archaeologist even came up with the theory that in prehistoric times there had to be a mystic cult centre in the place of Cardiff, housing a previously unknown civilization.

Speculations soon escalated well beyond the merely ridiculous. Ianto had a hard time to remove all true evidence from the news channels and the internet. Even so, private shots kept popping up constantly. Digital cameras and mobile phones with photographic function could be a pest sometimes.

“I suggest lacing the city’ water supplies with Retcon, once it’s over,” he said, rubbing his burning eyes. “What still slips through, we can always blame on mass hysteria and psychedelic drugs.”

“That usually works,” Tosh agreed. “Too bad that, for some reason, UNIT seems to have a problem with it.”
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Part 08 - Everything Changes

Title: SPECIAL UNIT 3
Author: Soledad

Fandom: Torchwood/Special Unit 2 x-over, with a guest appearance of the Tenth Doctor.
Category: Heavy-duty Gwen bashing and a great deal of silliness.
Rating: G, suitable for all, with the exception of die-hard Gwackers.
Genre: Crackfic, with gender bending, body swap, whatever – the whole nine miles.
Series: none
Timeframe: indefinite. Perhaps “Sleepers”, from Series 2 for Torchwood, but not necessarily.
Summary: Once again, Gwen fumbles around with something she was told not to touch. The consequences are…unusual.

Disclaimer: the usual: don’t own, don’t sue! Everything belongs to RTD and BBC - and UPN, respectively.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
PART FIVE: HIGHER POWERS

Author’s notes:
You didn’t really think I’d leave Martha out of this, did you? Yes, I know she isn’t supposed to appear in Torchwood before “Reset”, but I love her and wanted her here.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“So,” Ianto said slowly. “If we are Special Unit 2 now, does it matter that they’re running around in our shape in Chicago?”

That possibility shocked everyone quite a bit.

“Well,” Jack finally said, “we’ll need to use our contacts to get more information about them – assuming, of course, that they’re real people, not just the characters of some silly online computer game. Let’s put Gwen into one of the cells first, just in case. Andy, you better call in sick; it would be hard to explain why you look so much better than you used to. Tosh, Owen, go home and get some rest.”

“What about me?” Ianto asked.

“I need you here,” Jack replied. “You can deal with UNIT bureaucrats a lot better than I. Besides, I’ve got a story to tell you. No, not that one – that needs more time and a different mindset to tell. But I think you’ll be interested anyway.”

“All right,” Ianto said, “But I warn you, I won’t stay all night. A girl needs her beauty sleep, and who knows, perhaps I’ll change my mind one day and return to being a model, after all.”
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Part 06 - A Strange Little Man

Title: SPECIAL UNIT 3
Author: Soledad

Fandom: Torchwood/Special Unit 2 x-over, with a guest appearance of the Tenth Doctor.
Category: Heavy-duty Gwen bashing and a great deal of silliness.
Rating: G, suitable for all, with the exception of die-hard Gwackers.
Genre: Crackfic, with gender bending, body swap, whatever – the whole nine miles.
Series: none
Timeframe: indefinite. Perhaps “Sleepers”, from Series 2 for Torchwood, but not necessarily.
Summary: Once again, Gwen fumbles around with something she was told not to touch. The consequences are…unusual.

Disclaimer: the usual: don’t own, don’t sue! Everything belongs to RTD and BBC - and UPN, respectively.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
PART THREE: SO, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO US?

Author’s notes:
Our heroes finally learn the ugly truth – and they are not happy. Also, you can finaly meet the new, "improved" Gwen... who isn't happy, either.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
While Tosh took a thoroughly confused Andy under her wings, promising him to explain everything later, Ianto made coffee – fortunately, the coffee machine remained unchanged, together with the rest of the Hub – and Jack went to look for Gwen and Owen. About five minutes later he came back, carrying a beautiful, long-haired blonde on his arm.

“I haven’t found any sign of Gwen, whatever she might look like at the moment,” he explained, “But found this pretty creature in the morgue, at Owen’s computer, in the company of a lost game. So, I guess this must be Owen. Who’d have thought he could become such a hot girl?”

Ianto sat, crossing his endless legs in a manner that would have tempted a saint and glared at their boss. “Try to make a pass on him, and he’ll break your nose,” he warned. “And so will I, for that matter.”

“I never took you for the jealous type,” Jack said, grinning.

Ianto shrugged, bringing his newly-acquired breasts into the game. “I’m a girl now, Jack. I’m entitled to be a bit more… emotional.”

“We should all be a bit more professional about this,” Tosh said. “Try to wake up Owen, guys; I’ll call up the CCTV footage of the last couple of hours.”

Waking up Owen was the easy part. Keeping him from fainting again and stopping his endless rants proved a lot harder.

“Well, at least we can be sure about one thing,” Jack commented. “Whatever’s happened to us, it’s only changed the appearance, not the personality. As we can all see, nothing has changed in Owen’s sunny disposition.”
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Part 04: We Are Learning Who We Are

Title: SPECIAL UNIT 3
Author: Soledad

Fandom: Torchwood/Special Unit 2 x-over, with a guest appearance of the Tenth Doctor.
Category: Heavy-duty Gwen bashing and a great deal of silliness.
Rating: G, suitable for all, with the exception of die-hard Gwackers.
Genre: Crackfic, with gender bending, body swap, whatever – the whole nine miles.
Series: none
Timeframe: indefinite. Perhaps “Sleepers”, from Series 2 for Torchwood, but not necessarily.
Summary: Once again, Gwen fumbles around with something she was told not to touch. The consequences are…unusual.

Disclaimer: the usual: don’t own, don’t sue! Everything belongs to RTD and BBC - and UPN, respectively.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
PART ONE: THE BEGINNING

Author’s notes:
The alien artefacts described here have been borrowed from the “All Systems University” website. Since they were never actually used in “Andromeda” but look really cool, I thought it would be a waste to let them sink into obscurity. Besides, we so rarely get to see the alien gizmos Torchwood apparently deals with on a regular basis. You can view them on the website by clicking at the artefact numbers embedded in Ianto’s little notes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The beginning is usually a delicate matter. Especially when one looks back at a recent series of fairly traumatic events and tries to figure out in hindsight where – and how – it has all begun. It can be a really hard case of mental acrobatics sometimes, and the efforts, sadly, often remain unsuccessful.

In this particular case, however, nobody could have had the slightest doubt about the beginning. Things had, as so often before, started with Gwen. Witch Gwen-bloody-Cooper, who always thought she knew everything better and never listened when told not to fool around with unknown alien tech as long as it wasn’t declared safe by Jack or Tosh – the two people with actual technical knowledge at Torchwood Three.

The Rift had been quiet for weeks, Weevil activity had been minimal, and they were all bored out of their heads. Well, Tosh was working on her updated translation programme (the one Gwen and Owen had managed to destroy almost a year earlier, by kicking the plug of her computer out of its socket), and Ianto was, as usual, slaving down in the Archives.

Jack had decided to use the Rift downtime for examining and cataloguing about a dozen alien artefacts that had either been sent in for just that reason or had been lying around untouched for quite some time untouched. Which meant that Ianto would be busier than ever for the next week or so, as such tasks naturally fell to him… among other, more menial tasks, that is. He worked more than all the others counted together, with the exception of Tosh, and nobody seemed to take notice of that fact.

But the others were bored. Owen distracted himself by playing computer games, and Jack was chatting with the leader of Torchwood Two (which he only did on days of extreme boredom, as Archie McAllister really wasn’t the kind of man he’d choose to socialize with). Much to Gwen’s chagrin, who took offence on the two males of her interest (as Ianto didn’t count, being just the teaboy) paying her presence and her obvious need to be entertained no attention.
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