Special Unit 3 - Part 1 of 9
Aug. 10th, 2009 09:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wiseheartTitle: SPECIAL UNIT 3
Author: Soledad
Fandom: Torchwood/Special Unit 2 x-over, with a guest appearance of the Tenth Doctor.
Category: Heavy-duty Gwen bashing and a great deal of silliness.
Rating: G, suitable for all, with the exception of die-hard Gwackers.
Genre: Crackfic, with gender bending, body swap, whatever – the whole nine miles.
Series: none
Timeframe: indefinite. Perhaps “Sleepers”, from Series 2 for Torchwood, but not necessarily.
Summary: Once again, Gwen fumbles around with something she was told not to touch. The consequences are…unusual.
Disclaimer: the usual: don’t own, don’t sue! Everything belongs to RTD and BBC - and UPN, respectively.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
PART ONE: THE BEGINNING
Author’s notes:
The alien artefacts described here have been borrowed from the “All Systems University” website. Since they were never actually used in “Andromeda” but look really cool, I thought it would be a waste to let them sink into obscurity. Besides, we so rarely get to see the alien gizmos Torchwood apparently deals with on a regular basis. You can view them on the website by clicking at the artefact numbers embedded in Ianto’s little notes.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The beginning is usually a delicate matter. Especially when one looks back at a recent series of fairly traumatic events and tries to figure out in hindsight where – and how – it has all begun. It can be a really hard case of mental acrobatics sometimes, and the efforts, sadly, often remain unsuccessful.
In this particular case, however, nobody could have had the slightest doubt about the beginning. Things had, as so often before, started with Gwen. Witch Gwen-bloody-Cooper, who always thought she knew everything better and never listened when told not to fool around with unknown alien tech as long as it wasn’t declared safe by Jack or Tosh – the two people with actual technical knowledge at Torchwood Three.
The Rift had been quiet for weeks, Weevil activity had been minimal, and they were all bored out of their heads. Well, Tosh was working on her updated translation programme (the one Gwen and Owen had managed to destroy almost a year earlier, by kicking the plug of her computer out of its socket), and Ianto was, as usual, slaving down in the Archives.
Jack had decided to use the Rift downtime for examining and cataloguing about a dozen alien artefacts that had either been sent in for just that reason or had been lying around untouched for quite some time untouched. Which meant that Ianto would be busier than ever for the next week or so, as such tasks naturally fell to him… among other, more menial tasks, that is. He worked more than all the others counted together, with the exception of Tosh, and nobody seemed to take notice of that fact.
But the others were bored. Owen distracted himself by playing computer games, and Jack was chatting with the leader of Torchwood Two (which he only did on days of extreme boredom, as Archie McAllister really wasn’t the kind of man he’d choose to socialize with). Much to Gwen’s chagrin, who took offence on the two males of her interest (as Ianto didn’t count, being just the teaboy) paying her presence and her obvious need to be entertained no attention.
She’d become so bored that she eventually stalked into the empty storage room to take a closer look at the alien junk Jack had out in there for Ianto to take them into the Archives. Ianto had already been there, apparently, and did a bit of pre-cataloguing, as there were post-it notes glued to the various artefacts with his elegant cursive script – the one he only used for the Archives. There were quite a few of them, waiting to be properly stored.
Not having anything better to do (well, she would have a depressingly huge pile of documents to file, but that was even more boring than doing nothing), Gwen began to poke around the artefacts, reading the labels. Out of curiosity, mostly, as the place names and references didn’t really tell her a thing. Studying older cases was a boring activity, so she’d never bothered to look up things Torchwood might already have encountered.
The first artefact looked like a vertical metal ring fastened to a small, marble-like socket. A bent blue and silver blade was swirling in its centre, and sometimes blue lights washed over its entire surface.
Artefact #1, stood on the post-it note with Ianto’s handwriting. Confiscated from an Alzarian who fell through the Rift in 1977. Supposedly a tool used by the Alzarians for shaping and molding their hive cities. Data needs further confirmation. Possible information source: the Doctor.
Her curiosity piqued, Gwen poked the reddish sensor field in the middle of the whirling blade… and jumped back, startled, as the ring suddenly began to shrink. It shrunk to the third of its original size; then it sprouted three metallic arms, with a bent blade at the end of each. After waves of blue-white energy coming in widening rings from the centre of the artefact, other metal rings appeared in the bend where arms and blades met. They were slowly pulsating with a blue light.
For a moment, Gwen stood, petrified with fear. But when she saw that nothing worse was happening, she ignored the artefact and stepped over to the second one… which didn’t have a very spectacular look. It was simply a metallic arc, with a pendant attached to its highest point. It was slowly swaying back and forth without any visible aid.
Artefact #2, Ianto’s label said. A loan from TW2, requiring further investigation. Possibly of Chulan origins. Nothing extraordinary to notice, save from its unique charm.
Gwen shook her head, deciding once again that Ianto was a weird person. For her part, she didn’t find the artefact charming, even though the arrowhead of the pendant was beautifully made: like a wreath composed of folded silver and spread golden wings. Yet it didn’t do anything aside from swaying back and forth – how boring! Gwen turned her back to it and continued her search for something more exciting.
The third artefact looked like some large soup tureen, made of two different materials: red-veined black stone the centrepiece and blue metal the rim, shaped like butterfly wings. There was also a small, funnel-shaped piece, made of some translucent material, set in the very middle of the centrepiece, containing a pulsing red and purple light. There were flashes of red washing over the surface occasionally.
Artefact #3, Ianto’s note stated. Handed over by UNIT for archiving, as its actual purpose could not be determined. The only known thing about it is its tolerance to extreme temperatures. The forcefield it develops when activated serves no visible purpose.
Forcefield? Activated? Now this sounded more like it. But how did one activate an alien artefact? Gwen reached out tentatively to the funnel in the centre. The light flashes quickened at once, and the thing suddenly sprouted metallic arms, not unlike those of the first gizmo, just without the blades. A bluish forcefield begin to glow in the clutches of the arms, giving the… the thing the looks of a much larger vessel, no shaped like a calyx.
“That’s all it does?” Gwen asked, disappointed, but received no answer. The only people who could have answered – namely Jack or Tosh, or possibly Ianto who seemed to know a surprising amount of things – were working… unlike her. She shook her head in annoyance and continued her quest of discovery in the world of crappy alien tech.
The fourth artefact was simply a circular vessel made of some white metal, set on a small socket. It had four bent, blade-like arms, the middle of which seemed to be made of blue glass. It was rather pretty, actually; it reminded Gwen of some futuristic room fountain. She leaned down to read the label with interest.
Artefact #4 has been salvaged by Torchwood Three from a crashed Draconian spaceship in 1973. It’s presumably a holoprojector used in stellar cartography, as it projects the holographic images o stellar bodies when activated.
Gwen figured out easily enough how to activate the thing – it seemed to react to humanoid brainwaves – and played with it for a while. But after ten minutes or so, she got bored with it and went on to the next piece.
That one was really disappointing – just the open-mawed skill of some unknown animal in a jar filled with blue liquid. It blubbered loudly when she passed, blue light flashing over the jar from the inside, and the skull seemed to jump and down a few times. Gwen shuddered; it remained her too much of that stupid hand in a jar that Jack kept in his office. What was it with people keeping severed body parts on their desks? It was disgusting, really.
The sixth artefact was a translucent turquoise sphere with a silver antenna on top, resting on folded metallic legs. As Gwen approached it, the legs slowly unfolded, lifting the sphere to eye level, and it began to emanate a soft, pulsing turquoise light – and that was it.
Artefact #6, the label said, was found by the NASA Space Shuttle amidst a lot of space junk. Possibly a signal beacon of Hoix origins, or so Jack says.
“Yeah, and a bloody boring and useless one at that!” Gwen groused. It was so annoying! So many interesting-looking alien gizmos, and neither of them were capable of doing anything at all!
And speaking of which – what the hell was a Hoix? Did Ianto really need to show off his knowledge of alien gizmos? What for? It wasn’t as if anyone would ever read his stupid notes, and if he wanted to impress Jack… well, Jack wouldn’t fall for that old trick, would he?
The seventh artefact looked like a hamburger – like two halves of a brown football, actually, (the round kind used by soccer) with a translucent sphere pulsating emerald light sandwiched between them. As Gwen passed by, the sphere began to spin, but it stopped as soon as she got four steps or so away from it.
“Probably has proximity sensors, the stupid disco globe,” she muttered angrily. She didn’t even bother to read the post-it note.
The eight artefact seemed to be a small, round metallic door with several differently-shaped segments. When Gwen stepped in front of it, the middle segment seemed to melt away, somehow, revealing a glowing, pulsing red light.
Artefact #8, salvaged from the ruins of Torchwood One, Ianto’s little note informed her. Probably a medical scanner of some sort, but its working has never been confirmed.
Medical scanner… ewww! That was Owen’s field of interest, not hers. She dismissed the thing and stepped up to the next one.
Now this was a strange piece of junk: like two purple umbrellas joined by the ends of their handles and four silver globes floating seemingly in thin air at its middle. As Gwen approached, the globes began to spin around the central column, exchanging sparks of silver-blue energy with it.
Artefact #9 seems to be some sort of generator, Ianto’s note said, although it’s unknown where the generated energy actually goes, as it doesn’t seem to be stored in the globes.
“A generator, pah!” Gwen was very disappointed. At first, the thing looked like those little perpetuum mobile thingies she used to love so much as a child – she could sit and watch them spin for hours – but apparently, it was just some boring tech stuff.
The tenth artefact consisted of three concentrically lessening, wide metal rings around a central column, topped with a metallic half-sphere that was equipped with bent blades. What was it with all those whirling blades anyway? There was a fourth, much thinner ring below, of the same size as he largest one of the three. A red sensor blinked on top, and flashes of green-blue light bathed the rings regularly.
Artefact #10 was identified by UNIT as a Crespallion comm device, Ianto’s note said. Their scientists failed to determine the range and the means of communication, though. The only thing it emanates are light waves.
And indeed, the thing suddenly rearranged the bladed upper piece, making it more… streamlined, somehow. The sensor emanated a red flash upwards, and a small, boomerang-shaped blade emerged on the top, whirling around like crazy. Then it stopped. Just like that.
“Bollocks!” Gwen swore under her breath. “Is all this stupid alien junk broken?”
“We don’t know,” Ianto’s calm, even voice replied as he came in with a big, empty carton, box, presumably to collect some of the artefacts. “Which is why you aren’t supposed to fool around with them.”
Gwen felt a flash of anger run through her. How did the teaboy dare to lecture her like that?!
“You aren’t the one to tell me what to do and what to leave alone,” she replied with exaggerated sweetness.
Ianto nodded and, going to the first artefact, he deactivated it by simply touching the centrepiece again. The metallic arms withdrew and the central ring extended itself to its original size – then it went silent.
“You’re right,” he said, “I’m not. Those are Jack’s orders, and – in case it has escaped your attention – he is the boss here. He told us that nobody but Tosh is to touch these things in his absence, and that’s what we’re gonna do,” He gave her one of those bland smiles reserved for idiots who made his life hell in the tourist information office – which only enraged Gwen more.
“I don’t understand why Tosh should get special treatment,” she groused. “I mean, okay, she’s our computer nerd, but other than that, I’m every bit as qualified to check out alien space junk as she is.”
“Are you?” Ianto asked with fake surprise. “Do you have a master’s degree in electrical engineering and a doctorate in computer sciences? Or a BA in comparative linguistics? Have you already worked on the government’s secret science projects at the age of twenty? Cos if you haven’t, you better leave these things alone. It will be safer for us all.”
Gwen felt as if someone had slapped her – which, in a sense, Ianto had. The teaboy had become quite belligerent since Jack’s return… as if he’d been the reason Jack had come back. That little, delusional fool! Well, he’ll learn his place, eventually.
The so dismissed archivist had, in the meantime, set the carton box down and was now trying to stuff as many artefacts into it as humanly possible. He held up the jar with the canine skull for a moment, and it blubbered happily at him, as if in greeting.
“I think I’ll ask Jack if I can keep this one in my office,” he said. “It’s rather cute… kinda like having a dog, actually.”
“You’re disgusting, both of you,” Gwen said, pulling an ewww! face. “Jack and you both seem to have some sick fetish about keeping body parts in jars. I mean, who in their right minds does something like that?”
“There are worse hobbies,” Ianto replied with a shrug and lifted the carton box, groaning softly from the weight of it. “By the way, Andy is looking for you. He’s in the tourist office, pounding on the counter and calling your name every ten seconds or so.”
Gwen rolled her eyes. She didn’t mind Andy following her like a lovesick puppy on good days, but this one was definitely not one of those days.
“I don’t have the nerve to deal with him right now,” she said. “Can’t you send him away somehow?”
“I could,” Ianto answered slowly. “The problem is, though: he shouldn’t even realize he could look for you in the tourist office. How comes he knows about that?”
Gwen shrugged. “He’s a cop. Perhaps he followed me. That’s how I’ve found you in the first place, wasn’t it?”
“You’ve found us because Jack messed up the dosage of the Retcon,” Ianto commented dryly. “Those were extraordinary circumstances. Andy is a different matter. What if he finds out more than he’s supposed to?”
“Then we’ll Retcon him, too,” Gwen answered promptly.
“We already have,” Ianto reminded her. “Repeatedly, as you keep revealing things to him you aren’t supposed to. And we know how dangerous it could be if you Retcon someone again and again. He could develop immunity against the amnesia pill – or it could eat his brain completely. Is that what you’re planning for him? I thought you were mates. Best friends.”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “Ianto, love, you’re really boring me. And I’m bored enough already as it is.”
“Well, then perhaps you should give actual work a try,” Ianto retorted in a somewhat aggressive manner. It was uncharacteristic for him, but he was thoroughly fed up with her. “After you’ve dealt with Andy. That’s one mess I’m not willing to clean up after you.”
With that parting shot, he left, leaving a speechless Gwen behind. She was outraged by his cheek – how did he dare?! A serious discussion with Jack about his teaboy and part-time shag was definitely in order. Ianto shouldn’t believe he can do anything, just because he put it up for the boss.
But first, she had to deal with Andy. What was the stupid boy thinking, coming here and making a spectacle of himself? It was time she gave him a piece of her mind, too.
On her way out, she involuntarily stopped in front of the arc with the still swaying pendant. While she still couldn’t see any charm in it, she had to admit that it had a certain… hypnotic effect on her, especially if she watched it a little longer. She wondered whether it would stop if she touched the pendant…
She reached out, slowly, carefully, touching the empty space encircled by the closed silver and spread golden wings. It took her several attempts to do so, as matching the rhythm wasn’t exactly her forte, but in the end, she scored a hit.
The pendant stopped indeed. In the next moment, the arc began to sprout further metallic limbs – they seemed to be a standard with alien junk – until the whole thing rearranged itself into a mushroom-like shape, sporting a domed upper piece that got filled with blue energy. The gently arched “stem” began to glow in a deep golden light, visible through the transparent cartouches adorning it. The pendant itself ended up on top of the whole structure, sending out periodical blue light flashes as the energy inside the artefact was building up gradually…
… and that was when the pain hit. It felt as if some giant had taken her like a handful of clay, kneading and reshaping her at its pleasure. She could feel her flesh melt and her bones crack – until she finally, mercifully lost consciousness.
Part 02: Rude Awakenings
Author: Soledad
Fandom: Torchwood/Special Unit 2 x-over, with a guest appearance of the Tenth Doctor.
Category: Heavy-duty Gwen bashing and a great deal of silliness.
Rating: G, suitable for all, with the exception of die-hard Gwackers.
Genre: Crackfic, with gender bending, body swap, whatever – the whole nine miles.
Series: none
Timeframe: indefinite. Perhaps “Sleepers”, from Series 2 for Torchwood, but not necessarily.
Summary: Once again, Gwen fumbles around with something she was told not to touch. The consequences are…unusual.
Disclaimer: the usual: don’t own, don’t sue! Everything belongs to RTD and BBC - and UPN, respectively.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
PART ONE: THE BEGINNING
Author’s notes:
The alien artefacts described here have been borrowed from the “All Systems University” website. Since they were never actually used in “Andromeda” but look really cool, I thought it would be a waste to let them sink into obscurity. Besides, we so rarely get to see the alien gizmos Torchwood apparently deals with on a regular basis. You can view them on the website by clicking at the artefact numbers embedded in Ianto’s little notes.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The beginning is usually a delicate matter. Especially when one looks back at a recent series of fairly traumatic events and tries to figure out in hindsight where – and how – it has all begun. It can be a really hard case of mental acrobatics sometimes, and the efforts, sadly, often remain unsuccessful.
In this particular case, however, nobody could have had the slightest doubt about the beginning. Things had, as so often before, started with Gwen. Witch Gwen-bloody-Cooper, who always thought she knew everything better and never listened when told not to fool around with unknown alien tech as long as it wasn’t declared safe by Jack or Tosh – the two people with actual technical knowledge at Torchwood Three.
The Rift had been quiet for weeks, Weevil activity had been minimal, and they were all bored out of their heads. Well, Tosh was working on her updated translation programme (the one Gwen and Owen had managed to destroy almost a year earlier, by kicking the plug of her computer out of its socket), and Ianto was, as usual, slaving down in the Archives.
Jack had decided to use the Rift downtime for examining and cataloguing about a dozen alien artefacts that had either been sent in for just that reason or had been lying around untouched for quite some time untouched. Which meant that Ianto would be busier than ever for the next week or so, as such tasks naturally fell to him… among other, more menial tasks, that is. He worked more than all the others counted together, with the exception of Tosh, and nobody seemed to take notice of that fact.
But the others were bored. Owen distracted himself by playing computer games, and Jack was chatting with the leader of Torchwood Two (which he only did on days of extreme boredom, as Archie McAllister really wasn’t the kind of man he’d choose to socialize with). Much to Gwen’s chagrin, who took offence on the two males of her interest (as Ianto didn’t count, being just the teaboy) paying her presence and her obvious need to be entertained no attention.
She’d become so bored that she eventually stalked into the empty storage room to take a closer look at the alien junk Jack had out in there for Ianto to take them into the Archives. Ianto had already been there, apparently, and did a bit of pre-cataloguing, as there were post-it notes glued to the various artefacts with his elegant cursive script – the one he only used for the Archives. There were quite a few of them, waiting to be properly stored.
Not having anything better to do (well, she would have a depressingly huge pile of documents to file, but that was even more boring than doing nothing), Gwen began to poke around the artefacts, reading the labels. Out of curiosity, mostly, as the place names and references didn’t really tell her a thing. Studying older cases was a boring activity, so she’d never bothered to look up things Torchwood might already have encountered.
The first artefact looked like a vertical metal ring fastened to a small, marble-like socket. A bent blue and silver blade was swirling in its centre, and sometimes blue lights washed over its entire surface.
Artefact #1, stood on the post-it note with Ianto’s handwriting. Confiscated from an Alzarian who fell through the Rift in 1977. Supposedly a tool used by the Alzarians for shaping and molding their hive cities. Data needs further confirmation. Possible information source: the Doctor.
Her curiosity piqued, Gwen poked the reddish sensor field in the middle of the whirling blade… and jumped back, startled, as the ring suddenly began to shrink. It shrunk to the third of its original size; then it sprouted three metallic arms, with a bent blade at the end of each. After waves of blue-white energy coming in widening rings from the centre of the artefact, other metal rings appeared in the bend where arms and blades met. They were slowly pulsating with a blue light.
For a moment, Gwen stood, petrified with fear. But when she saw that nothing worse was happening, she ignored the artefact and stepped over to the second one… which didn’t have a very spectacular look. It was simply a metallic arc, with a pendant attached to its highest point. It was slowly swaying back and forth without any visible aid.
Artefact #2, Ianto’s label said. A loan from TW2, requiring further investigation. Possibly of Chulan origins. Nothing extraordinary to notice, save from its unique charm.
Gwen shook her head, deciding once again that Ianto was a weird person. For her part, she didn’t find the artefact charming, even though the arrowhead of the pendant was beautifully made: like a wreath composed of folded silver and spread golden wings. Yet it didn’t do anything aside from swaying back and forth – how boring! Gwen turned her back to it and continued her search for something more exciting.
The third artefact looked like some large soup tureen, made of two different materials: red-veined black stone the centrepiece and blue metal the rim, shaped like butterfly wings. There was also a small, funnel-shaped piece, made of some translucent material, set in the very middle of the centrepiece, containing a pulsing red and purple light. There were flashes of red washing over the surface occasionally.
Artefact #3, Ianto’s note stated. Handed over by UNIT for archiving, as its actual purpose could not be determined. The only known thing about it is its tolerance to extreme temperatures. The forcefield it develops when activated serves no visible purpose.
Forcefield? Activated? Now this sounded more like it. But how did one activate an alien artefact? Gwen reached out tentatively to the funnel in the centre. The light flashes quickened at once, and the thing suddenly sprouted metallic arms, not unlike those of the first gizmo, just without the blades. A bluish forcefield begin to glow in the clutches of the arms, giving the… the thing the looks of a much larger vessel, no shaped like a calyx.
“That’s all it does?” Gwen asked, disappointed, but received no answer. The only people who could have answered – namely Jack or Tosh, or possibly Ianto who seemed to know a surprising amount of things – were working… unlike her. She shook her head in annoyance and continued her quest of discovery in the world of crappy alien tech.
The fourth artefact was simply a circular vessel made of some white metal, set on a small socket. It had four bent, blade-like arms, the middle of which seemed to be made of blue glass. It was rather pretty, actually; it reminded Gwen of some futuristic room fountain. She leaned down to read the label with interest.
Artefact #4 has been salvaged by Torchwood Three from a crashed Draconian spaceship in 1973. It’s presumably a holoprojector used in stellar cartography, as it projects the holographic images o stellar bodies when activated.
Gwen figured out easily enough how to activate the thing – it seemed to react to humanoid brainwaves – and played with it for a while. But after ten minutes or so, she got bored with it and went on to the next piece.
That one was really disappointing – just the open-mawed skill of some unknown animal in a jar filled with blue liquid. It blubbered loudly when she passed, blue light flashing over the jar from the inside, and the skull seemed to jump and down a few times. Gwen shuddered; it remained her too much of that stupid hand in a jar that Jack kept in his office. What was it with people keeping severed body parts on their desks? It was disgusting, really.
The sixth artefact was a translucent turquoise sphere with a silver antenna on top, resting on folded metallic legs. As Gwen approached it, the legs slowly unfolded, lifting the sphere to eye level, and it began to emanate a soft, pulsing turquoise light – and that was it.
Artefact #6, the label said, was found by the NASA Space Shuttle amidst a lot of space junk. Possibly a signal beacon of Hoix origins, or so Jack says.
“Yeah, and a bloody boring and useless one at that!” Gwen groused. It was so annoying! So many interesting-looking alien gizmos, and neither of them were capable of doing anything at all!
And speaking of which – what the hell was a Hoix? Did Ianto really need to show off his knowledge of alien gizmos? What for? It wasn’t as if anyone would ever read his stupid notes, and if he wanted to impress Jack… well, Jack wouldn’t fall for that old trick, would he?
The seventh artefact looked like a hamburger – like two halves of a brown football, actually, (the round kind used by soccer) with a translucent sphere pulsating emerald light sandwiched between them. As Gwen passed by, the sphere began to spin, but it stopped as soon as she got four steps or so away from it.
“Probably has proximity sensors, the stupid disco globe,” she muttered angrily. She didn’t even bother to read the post-it note.
The eight artefact seemed to be a small, round metallic door with several differently-shaped segments. When Gwen stepped in front of it, the middle segment seemed to melt away, somehow, revealing a glowing, pulsing red light.
Artefact #8, salvaged from the ruins of Torchwood One, Ianto’s little note informed her. Probably a medical scanner of some sort, but its working has never been confirmed.
Medical scanner… ewww! That was Owen’s field of interest, not hers. She dismissed the thing and stepped up to the next one.
Now this was a strange piece of junk: like two purple umbrellas joined by the ends of their handles and four silver globes floating seemingly in thin air at its middle. As Gwen approached, the globes began to spin around the central column, exchanging sparks of silver-blue energy with it.
Artefact #9 seems to be some sort of generator, Ianto’s note said, although it’s unknown where the generated energy actually goes, as it doesn’t seem to be stored in the globes.
“A generator, pah!” Gwen was very disappointed. At first, the thing looked like those little perpetuum mobile thingies she used to love so much as a child – she could sit and watch them spin for hours – but apparently, it was just some boring tech stuff.
The tenth artefact consisted of three concentrically lessening, wide metal rings around a central column, topped with a metallic half-sphere that was equipped with bent blades. What was it with all those whirling blades anyway? There was a fourth, much thinner ring below, of the same size as he largest one of the three. A red sensor blinked on top, and flashes of green-blue light bathed the rings regularly.
Artefact #10 was identified by UNIT as a Crespallion comm device, Ianto’s note said. Their scientists failed to determine the range and the means of communication, though. The only thing it emanates are light waves.
And indeed, the thing suddenly rearranged the bladed upper piece, making it more… streamlined, somehow. The sensor emanated a red flash upwards, and a small, boomerang-shaped blade emerged on the top, whirling around like crazy. Then it stopped. Just like that.
“Bollocks!” Gwen swore under her breath. “Is all this stupid alien junk broken?”
“We don’t know,” Ianto’s calm, even voice replied as he came in with a big, empty carton, box, presumably to collect some of the artefacts. “Which is why you aren’t supposed to fool around with them.”
Gwen felt a flash of anger run through her. How did the teaboy dare to lecture her like that?!
“You aren’t the one to tell me what to do and what to leave alone,” she replied with exaggerated sweetness.
Ianto nodded and, going to the first artefact, he deactivated it by simply touching the centrepiece again. The metallic arms withdrew and the central ring extended itself to its original size – then it went silent.
“You’re right,” he said, “I’m not. Those are Jack’s orders, and – in case it has escaped your attention – he is the boss here. He told us that nobody but Tosh is to touch these things in his absence, and that’s what we’re gonna do,” He gave her one of those bland smiles reserved for idiots who made his life hell in the tourist information office – which only enraged Gwen more.
“I don’t understand why Tosh should get special treatment,” she groused. “I mean, okay, she’s our computer nerd, but other than that, I’m every bit as qualified to check out alien space junk as she is.”
“Are you?” Ianto asked with fake surprise. “Do you have a master’s degree in electrical engineering and a doctorate in computer sciences? Or a BA in comparative linguistics? Have you already worked on the government’s secret science projects at the age of twenty? Cos if you haven’t, you better leave these things alone. It will be safer for us all.”
Gwen felt as if someone had slapped her – which, in a sense, Ianto had. The teaboy had become quite belligerent since Jack’s return… as if he’d been the reason Jack had come back. That little, delusional fool! Well, he’ll learn his place, eventually.
The so dismissed archivist had, in the meantime, set the carton box down and was now trying to stuff as many artefacts into it as humanly possible. He held up the jar with the canine skull for a moment, and it blubbered happily at him, as if in greeting.
“I think I’ll ask Jack if I can keep this one in my office,” he said. “It’s rather cute… kinda like having a dog, actually.”
“You’re disgusting, both of you,” Gwen said, pulling an ewww! face. “Jack and you both seem to have some sick fetish about keeping body parts in jars. I mean, who in their right minds does something like that?”
“There are worse hobbies,” Ianto replied with a shrug and lifted the carton box, groaning softly from the weight of it. “By the way, Andy is looking for you. He’s in the tourist office, pounding on the counter and calling your name every ten seconds or so.”
Gwen rolled her eyes. She didn’t mind Andy following her like a lovesick puppy on good days, but this one was definitely not one of those days.
“I don’t have the nerve to deal with him right now,” she said. “Can’t you send him away somehow?”
“I could,” Ianto answered slowly. “The problem is, though: he shouldn’t even realize he could look for you in the tourist office. How comes he knows about that?”
Gwen shrugged. “He’s a cop. Perhaps he followed me. That’s how I’ve found you in the first place, wasn’t it?”
“You’ve found us because Jack messed up the dosage of the Retcon,” Ianto commented dryly. “Those were extraordinary circumstances. Andy is a different matter. What if he finds out more than he’s supposed to?”
“Then we’ll Retcon him, too,” Gwen answered promptly.
“We already have,” Ianto reminded her. “Repeatedly, as you keep revealing things to him you aren’t supposed to. And we know how dangerous it could be if you Retcon someone again and again. He could develop immunity against the amnesia pill – or it could eat his brain completely. Is that what you’re planning for him? I thought you were mates. Best friends.”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “Ianto, love, you’re really boring me. And I’m bored enough already as it is.”
“Well, then perhaps you should give actual work a try,” Ianto retorted in a somewhat aggressive manner. It was uncharacteristic for him, but he was thoroughly fed up with her. “After you’ve dealt with Andy. That’s one mess I’m not willing to clean up after you.”
With that parting shot, he left, leaving a speechless Gwen behind. She was outraged by his cheek – how did he dare?! A serious discussion with Jack about his teaboy and part-time shag was definitely in order. Ianto shouldn’t believe he can do anything, just because he put it up for the boss.
But first, she had to deal with Andy. What was the stupid boy thinking, coming here and making a spectacle of himself? It was time she gave him a piece of her mind, too.
On her way out, she involuntarily stopped in front of the arc with the still swaying pendant. While she still couldn’t see any charm in it, she had to admit that it had a certain… hypnotic effect on her, especially if she watched it a little longer. She wondered whether it would stop if she touched the pendant…
She reached out, slowly, carefully, touching the empty space encircled by the closed silver and spread golden wings. It took her several attempts to do so, as matching the rhythm wasn’t exactly her forte, but in the end, she scored a hit.
The pendant stopped indeed. In the next moment, the arc began to sprout further metallic limbs – they seemed to be a standard with alien junk – until the whole thing rearranged itself into a mushroom-like shape, sporting a domed upper piece that got filled with blue energy. The gently arched “stem” began to glow in a deep golden light, visible through the transparent cartouches adorning it. The pendant itself ended up on top of the whole structure, sending out periodical blue light flashes as the energy inside the artefact was building up gradually…
… and that was when the pain hit. It felt as if some giant had taken her like a handful of clay, kneading and reshaping her at its pleasure. She could feel her flesh melt and her bones crack – until she finally, mercifully lost consciousness.
Part 02: Rude Awakenings
