Language help needed

[wiseheart]

Dear native speakers on my flist, I've recently translated a short, funny text from German, which I intend to use for the baby book I'll be working on, soon. Since the recipient - and her husband - are both English teachers, I'd like to use a grammatically correct text. So, if any of you wouldn't mind to look behind the cut and correct the mistakes, I'd be eternally grateful.



CONGRATULATIONS!
You are now the proud owners of
"BABY"!

"BABY" is delivered in "ON"-state.
Especially at the beginning
it will frequently switch to
"STAND-BY"-mode.

When in need of cuddling,
when your favourite tv-program starts
or simply at random intervals,
"BABY" automatically switches "ON".

This model has been designed
without a volume regulator
and comes without an "OFF"-switch.

"BABY" cannot be exchanged
in case of disappointment (discontent?)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Orginal German text for those who speak the language:

Herzlichen Glückwunsch!
Ihr seid die stolzen Besitzer von
"BABY"!

"BABY wird im "ON"-Zustand geliefert.
Besonders am Anfang
schaltet es oft in
"STAND-BY"-Modus.

Bei Kuscheldefizit,
Beginn der Fernsehsendung
oder nach dem Zufallsprinzip
springt "BABY" automatisch auf "ON".

Lautstärkeregler und "OFF"-Schalter
sind in diesem Modell NICHT vorgesehen.

"BABY" ist vom Umtausch ausgeschlossen.


Thanks for any help you can provide. :)

Comments

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

Disappointment is the best word or dissatisfaction.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Linda, dissatisfaction is a world I was looking for.
Do you think the rest of it is okay?

[motodraconis.livejournal.com]

It seems fine, the clunky staccato sentences add to its charm.

I swear I've read this (in English) before, but it was a while ago.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I saw the German version on a card displayed in a gift shop in St. Pölten, Austria. It was love at the first sight. I took a photo of the card and used the text for several baby books, since half of my relatives are part German.

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

I'd suggest Baby is delivered with the switch in the on position.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you, it sounds much better! You are the best beta on this planet. :))

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm always glad to help if I can. Actually, my friend, medcat helped me with that sentence as I couldn't think of exactly the right word.

[unbound-ophelia.livejournal.com]

Der Text ist echt lustig :)

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Fand ich auch als ich ihn zum ersten Mal sah, auf einer Grußkarte in St. Pölten. Ich habe ihn mehrmals verwendet; das deutsche Original, meine ich.

[disthrainsdotte.livejournal.com]

Not a native speaker either but I think it is really good.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

lolol I think dissatisfaction may be the best word there.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think it sounds best, too.

[akane42me.livejournal.com]

I agree with the choice of 'dissatisfaction'.

What a cute user guide for new BABY owners:)

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

And very accurate, at least according to everyone I know who has kids. *g*

[akane42me.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes...

[curiouswombat.livejournal.com]

I'm just agreeing with Linda.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

You can always count on Linda being right in these things. *nodnod*

[mirasaui.livejournal.com]

How cute! Sounds good to me.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's such a funny text!