Sometimes I truly ask myself...
Nov. 5th, 2009 09:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wiseheart... why do I undertake suicidal attempts like organising a baking feast with 30+ schoolkids. I think the reason is that I lead such a dull life it couldn't be borne otherwise.
Beacuse, you see, what am I doing? I've got a poorly-paid, unappreciated, thankless job at an impossible schedule that leaves me practically no time to do anything else. Since I work in pairs with other people, I don't even have the independence to work as I'd like, and so I can't really show what I'd be capable of, if people only let me. Well, perhaps I've mentally and morally degraded so much in the recent ten or so years that I won't even be able to show it anymore.
Then I come home to Mum, who's a jewel - who know her personally can testify this - but I'm every bit as unable to have an independent schedule at home as I am at work. Things are being done at the speed and in the way as Mum needs (or wants) them to be done, down to such unimportant detail as when the frigging carpets need ironing and stuff.
And that's pretty much what my life is. I don't go to conferenes or conventions or writing workshops or even to the next town to meet people. Hell, I don't even have people to meet in this country. I don't even know people outside of work anymore. My entire social life - such as it is - happens via the internet, and if I didn't have you people, I'd have probably gone mad years ago.
So, it's small wonder that I don't have anything even vaguely interesting to post about. Nothing is happening to me, and when it is, it's bad (see Mum's recent health crisis). I haven't had an undisturbed hour alone for myself for five weeks, I haven't even slept in my own bed for just as long, haven't watched my own telly when I felt just like browsing a little...
Don't misunderstand me - I do it willingly for Mum, and I'm really, really happy to have her back with me, and that she's doing so fine. It's half a miracle at her age, for which I'm grateful. I'm just so very tired of not having a life... not that that wold be anything new.
So, perhaps among the repeated spectacular failures at work and writing, I simply need to break out of this general greyness from time to time. Even if it means to bake with 30 schoolkids or so, after which I'll be most likely cursing and whining and swearing that I'd never do such a stupid thing ever again. Or, at the very least, until next time.
Beacuse, you see, what am I doing? I've got a poorly-paid, unappreciated, thankless job at an impossible schedule that leaves me practically no time to do anything else. Since I work in pairs with other people, I don't even have the independence to work as I'd like, and so I can't really show what I'd be capable of, if people only let me. Well, perhaps I've mentally and morally degraded so much in the recent ten or so years that I won't even be able to show it anymore.
Then I come home to Mum, who's a jewel - who know her personally can testify this - but I'm every bit as unable to have an independent schedule at home as I am at work. Things are being done at the speed and in the way as Mum needs (or wants) them to be done, down to such unimportant detail as when the frigging carpets need ironing and stuff.
And that's pretty much what my life is. I don't go to conferenes or conventions or writing workshops or even to the next town to meet people. Hell, I don't even have people to meet in this country. I don't even know people outside of work anymore. My entire social life - such as it is - happens via the internet, and if I didn't have you people, I'd have probably gone mad years ago.
So, it's small wonder that I don't have anything even vaguely interesting to post about. Nothing is happening to me, and when it is, it's bad (see Mum's recent health crisis). I haven't had an undisturbed hour alone for myself for five weeks, I haven't even slept in my own bed for just as long, haven't watched my own telly when I felt just like browsing a little...
Don't misunderstand me - I do it willingly for Mum, and I'm really, really happy to have her back with me, and that she's doing so fine. It's half a miracle at her age, for which I'm grateful. I'm just so very tired of not having a life... not that that wold be anything new.
So, perhaps among the repeated spectacular failures at work and writing, I simply need to break out of this general greyness from time to time. Even if it means to bake with 30 schoolkids or so, after which I'll be most likely cursing and whining and swearing that I'd never do such a stupid thing ever again. Or, at the very least, until next time.
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-07 12:57 pm (UTC)Whether it's a conscious choice or just sloppy writing, I'm really sorry that the Arthur-Merlin relationship gets less screen time. It's a thing of beauty... and not just because the boys are pretty, while the girls are not. When Merlin's big secret is finally revealed, it will have a lot less impact if they've drifted apart in the meantime than it could have had.
Unless they plan to turn Arthur into a petty tyrant, that is, just for the case of badly-interpreted dramatics. But since Russel T Davies doesn't have any part in the show, we can at least hope that our favourite characters won't be killed off without any sensible reason.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-07 01:18 pm (UTC)Me too!
Another reason for the different focus (which I forgot just now): the guest star roles have been bigger this season, so some of the regulars get less screen time while guest stars get more. (In some episodes, one of the regular cast just seems to get forgotten, because the film-makers can't juggle them all.) I suppose there could be business reasons for that, and that the writers might be obligated by the PTB to write good parts for the big-name actors.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-07 03:15 pm (UTC)The other episode I like very much is "The Poisoned Chalice" - and not only because the Arthur-Merlin dynamics. I find Merlin's reaction to Cara absolutely adorable... he's so obviously smitten with her. Too bad she's the actual baddie of the episode.
And I like "Lancelot" as well. Especially the scene around the end when Merlin realises that he's actually managed to cast the Really Big Spell (TM) and is completely overwhelmed with the fact. Colin Morgan is just too cute jumping up and down and repeating "I did it!"
I'm really curious about Season 2, even if I mourn the loss of shared Arthur/Merlin time.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-07 10:06 pm (UTC)They're not really 'big' names. But they've been treated differently from the guest cast last season; their roles are a bit bigger and their names are in the opening credits.
An exception was 'Lancelot and Guinevere', which didn't have a one-off guest star - Santiago Cabrera got the special credit.
Tonight's episode had a couple of nice Merlin/Arthur moments. And all of the regulars got something to do, although it was mostly about Merlin and Gaius. The writers must have seen my earlier criticisms :)
Your comments on 'The Poisoned Chalice' and 'Lancelot' make me want to rewatch those earlier episodes. I lent out my copy of the Volume One DVDs. Must get it back...
(I loved the end of 'Lancelot'. And I'd forgotten that Lancelot is the only other person who knows that Merlin is a wizard, until it was mentioned in the recent Lancelot episode. That was a nice bit of continuity.)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-08 12:05 pm (UTC)But Santiago Cabrera is really HAWTT! Yes, I confess my utterly shallow nature. Colin Morgan is cute (the ears!), Bradley James does have some boyish charm, but they are, well, still boys. That Lancelot dude, though, he's a man.
I can't wait to see the new episodes! Must do some more Internet research about them; fortunately, tv.com brings detailed recaps and lots of quotes, so I can make me an overall picture what's going on. Then I'll rewatch some old episodes again. *g*