Sometimes I truly ask myself...

[wiseheart]

... why do I undertake suicidal attempts like organising a baking feast with 30+ schoolkids. I think the reason is that I lead such a dull life it couldn't be borne otherwise.

Beacuse, you see, what am I doing? I've got a poorly-paid, unappreciated, thankless job at an impossible schedule that leaves me practically no time to do anything else. Since I work in pairs with other people, I don't even have the independence to work as I'd like, and so I can't really show what I'd be capable of, if people only let me. Well, perhaps I've mentally and morally degraded so much in the recent ten or so years that I won't even be able to show it anymore.

Then I come home to Mum, who's a jewel - who know her personally can testify this - but I'm every bit as unable to have an independent schedule at home as I am at work. Things are being done at the speed and in the way as Mum needs (or wants) them to be done, down to such unimportant detail as when the frigging carpets need ironing and stuff.

And that's pretty much what my life is. I don't go to conferenes or conventions or writing workshops or even to the next town to meet people. Hell, I don't even have people to meet in this country. I don't even know people outside of work anymore. My entire social life - such as it is - happens via the internet, and if I didn't have you people, I'd have probably gone mad years ago.

So, it's small wonder that I don't have anything even vaguely interesting to post about. Nothing is happening to me, and when it is, it's bad (see Mum's recent health crisis). I haven't had an undisturbed hour alone for myself for five weeks, I haven't even slept in my own bed for just as long, haven't watched my own telly when I felt just like browsing a little...

Don't misunderstand me - I do it willingly for Mum, and I'm really, really happy to have her back with me, and that she's doing so fine. It's half a miracle at her age, for which I'm grateful. I'm just so very tired of not having a life... not that that wold be anything new.

So, perhaps among the repeated spectacular failures at work and writing, I simply need to break out of this general greyness from time to time. Even if it means to bake with 30 schoolkids or so, after which I'll be most likely cursing and whining and swearing that I'd never do such a stupid thing ever again. Or, at the very least, until next time.

Comments

[the-wild-iris.livejournal.com]

Nothing is happening to me, and when it is, it's bad (see Mum's recent health crisis).

I know how that feels. It wears away at you. And people often tell you, 'Well, just go out and do something!' Which isn't really helpful.

If it cheers you at all, I'm now connected to the Internet and available for Merlin duties.

*Hugs*

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

And people often tell you, 'Well, just go out and do something!' Which isn't really helpful.

No, it doesn't. Especially if you don't have either the time or the energy to do so.

Merlin duties? Oh, great! I'll send you "The Guiding Light", then!

BTW, I went to epiguides.com, and some of the 2nd season eps look promising. Although I seem to miss the further development of the Arthur-Merlin friendship. It's possible, of course, that the recaps aren't that good...

[the-wild-iris.livejournal.com]

I went to epiguides.com, and some of the 2nd season eps look promising. Although I seem to miss the further development of the Arthur-Merlin friendship.

Yes, and yes, I think. There have been some very good episodes so far - especially those that developed the Arthur/Gwen/Lancelot triangle - but less interaction between Merlin and Arthur. I miss it a bit. Rewatching an older episode, like 'The Labyrinth of Gedref', I can really see the different tone and focus.

I'm not sure whether it's a choice or just not very good continuity. One explanation, I guess, it that the overall arc of last season was about Merlin and Arthur establishing a working relationship, and now that they have that relationship, there's less need to show it. Another is that Arthur is getting preoccupied with girls :). So the episodes in which Merlin has had most screen time tend to focus on him acting alone.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I've just watchet "The Labyrinth of Gedref" yesterday - or the day before? I absolutely *love* that episode.

Whether it's a conscious choice or just sloppy writing, I'm really sorry that the Arthur-Merlin relationship gets less screen time. It's a thing of beauty... and not just because the boys are pretty, while the girls are not. When Merlin's big secret is finally revealed, it will have a lot less impact if they've drifted apart in the meantime than it could have had.

Unless they plan to turn Arthur into a petty tyrant, that is, just for the case of badly-interpreted dramatics. But since Russel T Davies doesn't have any part in the show, we can at least hope that our favourite characters won't be killed off without any sensible reason.

[the-wild-iris.livejournal.com]

I've just watchet "The Labyrinth of Gedref" yesterday - or the day before? I absolutely *love* that episode.

Me too!

Another reason for the different focus (which I forgot just now): the guest star roles have been bigger this season, so some of the regulars get less screen time while guest stars get more. (In some episodes, one of the regular cast just seems to get forgotten, because the film-makers can't juggle them all.) I suppose there could be business reasons for that, and that the writers might be obligated by the PTB to write good parts for the big-name actors.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Which big name actors? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with the British ones - unless they've played in "Buffy" or in "Star Trek". ;)

The other episode I like very much is "The Poisoned Chalice" - and not only because the Arthur-Merlin dynamics. I find Merlin's reaction to Cara absolutely adorable... he's so obviously smitten with her. Too bad she's the actual baddie of the episode.

And I like "Lancelot" as well. Especially the scene around the end when Merlin realises that he's actually managed to cast the Really Big Spell (TM) and is completely overwhelmed with the fact. Colin Morgan is just too cute jumping up and down and repeating "I did it!"

I'm really curious about Season 2, even if I mourn the loss of shared Arthur/Merlin time.

[the-wild-iris.livejournal.com]

Mackenzie Crook (from Pirates of the Caribbean) was in the first episode. Charles Dance (who was very creepy) was in the one that aired tonight. Other guest stars have been Adrian Lester, Colin Salmon and Sarah Parish.

They're not really 'big' names. But they've been treated differently from the guest cast last season; their roles are a bit bigger and their names are in the opening credits.

An exception was 'Lancelot and Guinevere', which didn't have a one-off guest star - Santiago Cabrera got the special credit.

Tonight's episode had a couple of nice Merlin/Arthur moments. And all of the regulars got something to do, although it was mostly about Merlin and Gaius. The writers must have seen my earlier criticisms :)

Your comments on 'The Poisoned Chalice' and 'Lancelot' make me want to rewatch those earlier episodes. I lent out my copy of the Volume One DVDs. Must get it back...

(I loved the end of 'Lancelot'. And I'd forgotten that Lancelot is the only other person who knows that Merlin is a wizard, until it was mentioned in the recent Lancelot episode. That was a nice bit of continuity.)

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid the names don't say me a thing. I guess neither of them played in "Torchwood", either.

But Santiago Cabrera is really HAWTT! Yes, I confess my utterly shallow nature. Colin Morgan is cute (the ears!), Bradley James does have some boyish charm, but they are, well, still boys. That Lancelot dude, though, he's a man.

I can't wait to see the new episodes! Must do some more Internet research about them; fortunately, tv.com brings detailed recaps and lots of quotes, so I can make me an overall picture what's going on. Then I'll rewatch some old episodes again. *g*

[missyvortexdv.livejournal.com]

I often feel like LJ posts increase with bad things happening. I don't post much of note apart from such things lately.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Well, if bad things are happening with increasing frequency, that tends to lead to depressing posts. *sighs*

[nerwen-calaelen.livejournal.com]

I sympathise. I know people who do seem to have interesting lives, but certainly for me it is mostly boring, punctuated by crises. But it does at times make me want to do different things, but then I usually end up running up against the problem of not having time and energy.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Sounds awfully familiar. *hugs*

[lhun-dweller.livejournal.com]

Le Sigh... wish I could just whisk myself over for the weekend... or whisk you here in an instant. I'm still collecting things to put in The Package(tm) for the holidays, and it would be so much fun to take you to the bookstores with me, have tea and chocolate in the sunny front room (I'd keep Mac on the daybed with me -- you would have the big, cozy green armchair.) We could cook and bake in the kitchen, and you and The Beloved could discuss history. Ah, what a grand time we'd have!

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, that would be great! It's so unfair that we live on the opposite sides of the planet!

Although the Beloved would probably have a hard time discussing history with me. As rcfinch can testify, my spoken English is really crap. Has to do something with pronounciation and how it's completely independent from spelling, I guess.

[(Anonymous)]

The more I listen to or study other languages, the more glad I am that English is my native language. I'd hate to have to learn it as a foreign language. "Well, you say it like this, except when..." or "It's always this, except when it's that for no good reason." Even I am a bit scrambled, having spent several years in school in New Zealand, where I learned The Other English: sometimes I'm still not sure which way to say or spell something.

Your claim that pronunciation and spelling are completely independent made me chuckle. When I was learning Danish in Denmark, the first few days were only spoken lessons, listening, never seeing it written down. Once I saw the spellings, I figured out why: it's like someone wrote the Danish alphabet pronunciation on one long strip of paper and the American English pronunuciation on another strip and laid them out one above the other, then moved one strip a couple letters to the right or left. I like Danish, though: it makes more sense than English, and everyone was so excited that an American could speak it at all that they forgave what I'm sure were international crimes against the Danish people coming out of my mouth!

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Theoretically, I was taught British English in language school. Of coruse, as my earliest experiences with the spoken language came from Star Trek, my pronounciation has become a fairly hopeless mix-up. I stubbornly use British spelling, though, because I find it aesthetically more pleasing... when I do not misspell the words, that is. *g*

"For no apparent reason" must be the key word for English spelling and pronounciation indeed. The more one knows about the language, the more hopeless it seems to learn to use it properly, ever!