A serious case of envy

[wiseheart]

If there's one thing I always envied Mum for was her uncanny ability to form lasting friendships. She's still in contact with some old schoolmates she went to primary school with, even though most of them still live in Transylvania, and her best friend found as an adult sat across her the desk at her first workplace in Hungary, back in 1965 for all about twenty minutes or so. That was more than half a century ago, and they still speak on the phone every day. The same with the colleagues from her second (and last) workplace in this country.

My so-called friends, on the other hand, stayed in touch exactly as long as I was useful for them. After that, they dropped me like a hot potato; and even while the so-called friendship lasted, contact was always initiated by me. I do have colleagues I get on fairly well with - actually, I get on fairly well with most of them - but none of them would actually care if I dropped off the face of Earth, one way or another. Like retiring. Sometimes I doubt they would even notice.

I remember when Fiondil passed over two yers ago; his online friends from the fandom were the ones who actually figured out what happened to him. Sometimes I wonder if I bit the dust tomorrow, how long would it take for my online acquaintances to realize that I was actually dead. It's not so that we'd have any contact outside this place - a place that's slowly but certainly turning into a ghost town.

People whom I thought were my friends, whom I met online and even visited in the flesh afterwards - or they visited my city, so that we could meet - have drifted away as soon as they'd fallen out of the fandom we shared. Apparently, they never really cared for me as a person, not really.

I'm incredibly grateful for the handful of you guys who're still around here, but sometimes I have to ask myself: is there something wrong with me that turns people away from me as soon as a common interest dies off? Or is it simply so that Mum's generation had a very different understanding of friendship?

Whatever the reason, I truly, unashamedly envy her. And I hope she last for a long time yet; because once she's gone, I'll hardly have any human contacts left.

Comments

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

Hugs, if you lived near,I hope we would often visit each other. You'd be welcome to phone if you ever want a chat.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I'd love to meet you in person, too. Who knows, perhaps when I'm retired I might manage to visit the UK again. I wonder if we need a visum again, now that you guys are no longer in the EU, though...

[red-day-dawning.livejournal.com]

I can relate. Except for some of my family members, I’m such a hermit that I’m sure I could die and be eaten by my cats before anyone noticed. Perhaps the delivery people from online groceries and goods might notice my absence. I suppose My doctor might generate a welfare check, because I have to see her so frequently she would notice a difference. Maybe. It is a depressing thought.
It might take a while, but eventually I would notice your absence and miss you. My world would be a much sadder place without you. *HUGS*

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *hugs back*
It is a shame that all the people I'd get on splendindly must live on the other side of the planet!

[sammydragoncat]

I know how you feel, I know a few people like that. in fact my mom just recently got in touch with some old school friends in the last year, they talk on the phone frequently all the time. If people didn't depend on me, I doubt anyone would notice if I disappeared for a few days or weeks. So depressing, when you think about it.