A bit lost

[wiseheart]

Now that work-related stress has calmed down a little bit and I've also come to the temporary end of a bout of rather frantic writing, I also came to realise how quiet cyberspace has become all around me.

Of course, I know - theoretically - that many people have migrated to BookFace and Tumblr and Twitter and only the cybergods know what new fashion pops up every day. Unfortunately, I'm too old to keep up with that, and quite frankly, I'm not even interested.

I centured to Tumblr once to find something and found the whole thing utterly confusing. Apparently, I'm a slow-witted old hag. So be it. I prefer my info - my virtual social life - presented in a non-hectic way. Which is why I miss the old, presumably unpractical ways: the Yahoo groups, LJ as it used to be, the various forums.

Alas that they seem to be gone. The mailing lists that used to have the best discussions are hibernating. My friends on LJ haven't updated for ages. The forums I used to visit have either been deleted or are dead.

I remember a time when we regularly updated our journals and thus knew about each other's whereabouts and well-being and stuff... without being stalked via BookFace. I remember having fandom-related discussions in the various Yahoo Groups; discussions I saved to my hard drive because they were so interesting and inspiring. I remember us writing birthday fics for each other - or just to make the other one feel better. I remember friendship and fun and camaraderie... and miss it terribly.

Yes, I know I'm a bit of a hypocrite, too. I haven't posted much else than update alersts and the occasional rant for quite some time. But one becomes disheartened in an echoless space after a while, you know? Such things always require at least two people.

I miss my cyberfriends because they're the only ones I have left. Or used to have anyway, before the big alien jellyfish of outer space ate them. Yes, I know it's pathetic, but I don't have anyone around me in real life who would at least partially share my interests. Discovering the internet used to be a wonder for me - a chance to find similarly-minded people, at least where fannish interests were concerned.

I miss it. I miss the fact that I have nobody to discuss aspects of our shared fandoms with, swap ideas, play around with plots or simply talk about who likes what and who doesn't. Life has become depressingly empty.

Yes, I understand that everyone is hanging on to their jobs for dear life. So do I - working more, under worse circumstances and for less money is something we all have become quite good at lately. The recent idiotic school reform robbed us from all our benefits, which means a ten percent loss of our already miserable income, so yeah, I know what the job market is like, especially for people beyond 50. And that's exactly why I miss the lost chances of escaping all that so terribly.


Sorry for the depressing entry. But I do feel like shit - and have for quite some time.

Comments

[sammydragoncat]

I wish I had some way to cheer you up. Having someone or somewhere to relax and is especially important when real life is being difficult. I can't say I have ever participated in fandom discussions, but I have read a few, and they could be quite lively

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

They can make you feel as if you're part of something big and exciting. I miss that feeling.

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

I often feel the same and I can't make head or tale of Tumblr. I still have some good LJ buddies, but many have vanished.I've not felt like posting much recently, but certainly don't plan to leave LJ.
Sorry things are tough at present for you, hugs.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Life is just being a bit hectic, and I'm not getting any younger. The political situation doesn't make one feel safe or optimistic, either.

[jenn-calaelen.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm another who can't get tumblr to work for me - and it does not really seem to be a place for discussion. I don't know where discussion is happening now. I really wish there was more of it - although given everything at the moment, I doubt I'd actually have the energy to participate. Although, hopefully I'll recover energy at some point (if only things would stop going wrong for a week or two).

Hopefully pico may help - that still seems to have quite a lot of people and discussion and fun.

*hugs*

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Yes, pico is like an oasis in the desert every time. It helps to get through the ever-longer dry patches, but it cannot replace real, semi-regular communication with one's friends.

[jenn-calaelen.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
You can always prod me to update - I know I forget to a lot, but I can't do anything about the more general problem sadly.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I know. I don't expect you, either. :)

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

I don't get tumbler or twitter; facebook is of no interest, I'm still hanging in here but LJ is, I think, dying a slow death. Some folks have moved on to new fandoms, others have just moved on. I miss them.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

So do I. I can understand that young people keep moving on to new and shiny things all the time - they are supposed to be superficial at their age, to try out new things, to find what fits them personally.

What I can't understand where my own generations has vanished. I mean, LJ is something for the slower, the more thoughtful, compared with the new, hip and hectic forums. Staying where we could actually have proper conversations isn't a matter of fandoms, I'd think.

[third-charm.livejournal.com]

I'm in the same boat, hon, and I'm also a hypocrite that doesn't post much these days. RL kicks my but on such a regular basis that I barely have time to breathe let alone keep up with everything in cyber space. I hope you cheer up soon though.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Oh, I always get my act together in the end, never fear. I'm just sad that so many people I liked have become unaccessible in the recent years. I'd like to know how they are doing, and not just fandom-related stuff.

[lhun-dweller.livejournal.com]

[hugs] Yes, this changing world of work can be quite disheartening. I've been in the "feel like shit" place for a good while, too. I really do appreciate you speaking frankly about how things are with you -- it's the only way any of us can know how the others are doing, after all. We're so spread out across the globe!

As for my absence, I'll have to plead as my excuse that I've been having my ass kicked by work overload -- no time and energy to even be a decent LJ participant. And while I've been overloaded, I'm also facing the looming possibility of not enough work -- bitterly ironic bit of humour on the part of the Fates, eh? So I just haven't been good company.

However, I think I'm easing out from under some of the gloom. I've been reading the non-poetry work of a poet, David Whyte. I picked up his "Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity" a few months back and found his way of talking about "work" a useful perspective. On my little two-day holiday, I have started over reading one I'd begun, but never finished, called "The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship." Reading this book, I'm feeling some stuck places inside me that have been grinding against each other and binding up are perhaps beginning to loosen their pressure. It's always so uncomfortable, this process of poking around in my inner dark corners, but I'd so much like to be free of some of the bindings I know I've wrapped myself in. Doing so may not change the state of things outside, but I'll be in better shape to cope with them, I hope.

So, that's what I've been up to. I do think about my Sue-spoof and have added the odd note to my files, so perhaps I'll get around to wrapping that one up someday soon.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

You don't have to be "good company", dear. Just don't be a stranger. I'm so glad you posted when there was that bombing in Boston, I was worried sick before I saw your post. That's exactly what I'm speaking of, so you really don't have to feel guilty at all. You are the one who keeps us updated, after all.

I read something bad about Mobile, Alabama, lately, and was worried about the cyberfriend we used to have there once. Alas, there's no way to know whether they're all right or not, although they're (theoretically) on LJ, too. That makes one expect the worst.