Progress report: Atonement (Torchwood)

[wiseheart]

Well, Elfhelm refused to co-operate, so I went for the Torchwood story again today. I'm up to 8 pages of Chapter 5 and fairly content with it... save for the fact that it seems to spawn new chapters, as usual. Which is annoying, but nothing new.

Excerpt:
In which the gang discusses the unwanted attention to their work shown by UNIT's new commanding officer.

“I don’t know,” Jones admitted with a shrug, “but Colonel Oduya is a bit too ambitious for my comfort. Sir Archibald thinks he wants UNIT replace Torchwood completely and has certain supporters in the Home Office who’d like to see him succeed.”

“That’s so not good, in so many ways that I can’t even begin to count,” the bespectacled bald man in the white lab coat sitting next to the lady scientist said grimly. “Could Archie be simply paranoid? Ms Hartmann always said he was.”

The lady scientist shook her head. “No, he wasn’t. He simply didn’t like Yvonne Hartmann and refused to send her any reports on principle.

********************
If there's anything grammatically incorrect, a little hint would be welcome. This is another one of those dozens of stories that don't have a beta reader.

On other topics: one week until school restarts. It's a depressing thought.

Comments

[espresso-addict.livejournal.com]

...it seems to spawn new chapters, as usual. Which is annoying, but nothing new.

You can't argue with your muse when s/he's talking to you :)

The only grammatical slip I caught was that you need to insert 'to' before 'replace' in the first piece of dialogue. In the second it would flow better to my ear if you exchanged 'simply' and 'be', but I don't think it's incorrect as it is.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I was unsure whether the "to" was needed or not. *hugs*

[jenn-calaelen.livejournal.com]

Spawning new chapters (or stories) seems to be what stories do if they are going well.

Good excerpt! The background you show here is very interesting. Torchwood politics must have been very interesting while tw1 (and possibly 4) were around. I wonder how much there was actually cooperation or more than a notional hierarchy...

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's actually a shame how very little we learned about Torchwood in general and the other branches in particular. Of course, they didn't have Saint Gwen, so they weren't interesting for the Rustoid.