Writing off one's losses

[wiseheart]

Yesterday I did something very cathartic. I took several hundred pages of fanfiction - written by someone I thought was a fandom-related friend and printed out to keep because I liked their writing - to the paper reciclyn bin. It was - liberating. I think it put an end to hurt feelings I was nurturing for years.

You see, I got to know this person via FF.Net. Once upon a time, we used to have a vivid personal e-mail contact, reading each other's stuff before posting, swapping ideas, using each other's ideas and OCs, supporting and reviewing each other's stuff. Then one of us (let's say it wasn't me) became wildly popular in our shared fandom. As a result, the mutual support slowly, gradually became very one-sided (and that side was mine, just to make things clear). Then I realized that the other side stopped giving credit for my ideas and interpretations used by them, while I always meticulously credited every little thing I used from them.

At the beginning, I went in absolute awe of this person's writing skills and felt honoured that they would give my stuff even the fleeting glance. Then they stopped to do that, and I slowly realized that yes, while they weren't bad as an author, their main advantage on me was that they were a native speaker. And so I decided that I won't put up with this unbalanced thing any more. If they won't value what I thought was a creative friendship - since we never had the chance to actually met in person - I don't need them in my life at all.

So I went and got rid of their stuff that I'd kept for almost a decade. I'll go and remove them from my favourites list on FF.Net as well. I have no need for such "friends" or their works. Yes, that might sound petty, but it makes me feel good, so there.


On a different note, the possible end of the MEFAs is quite a surprise for me, as I haven't followed the discussion about the new guidelines. But if it was about the banning of adult stuff again, I'm not so very surprised, after all. People who write adult stuff are being forced into worthless smut archives more and more in recent times. Small wonder that some of them are upset about it, even though I don't condone personal attacks about anyone's beliefs.

I'll have to read the whole discussion to make a more realistic picture for myself, so I apologize should I have jumped to any conclusions. But I do find this general hystery towards adult stuff, especially the slash kind, really tiresome. Not everything that is adult is also filth, and I wish people would finally understand it. I've been struggling with this attitude ever since I became active in online fandoms more than a decade ago.

Comments

[artemis10002000]

I'm glad that you have made such a catharhic decision, I'm sure it can't have been easy but you're feeling better now, so yay!

By the way, could you tell me again the exact date when you're in Hamburg? I want to try as much planning as I can possible do, seeing as how I still haven't heard anything from uni about my exam :( Damn it, we've been wanting to meet for years and now it's gonna be such a last-minute organizational mess because I can't get a date for my exam!

I'm lucky enough to be in fandoms where smut is generally well-accepted (or in the corners of them where it is) but I did notice that parts of the LotR fandom seem to be rather unfriendly towards shippinng in general during my short stint in the LotR fandom so I can kinda understand where you're coming from.

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

When I was very new someone on ff.net befriended me and dumped me a few months later. I binned stuff of theirs that I'd printed out too!
The MEFA debate became very heated and unpleasant.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I must read through the entire discussion, as I said. But I'm not surprised. There has been so much hatred in this fandom from the very beginning, just because some people liked this and others liked that. I think poor Tolkien is rolling in his grave sometimes - and not necessarily only because some of us so-called perverts write slash.

Although I'm sure he wouldn't approve of that, either. He was very Catholic, after all. Then again, so was I, once upon a time.

[jenn-calaelen.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Yay for making decisions that help you feel better!

I hadn't heard about the MEFAs stuff, but I stopped being involved there several years back due to various problems with them (although I can't recall the details) - but I'm not that surprised that this is the issue causing problems there.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Neither am I. This is a very twisted fandom in the sense that the various factions are highly intolerant towards each other. And when you don't fight in either of the camps, you're considered a pariah by all of them.

[jenn-calaelen.livejournal.com]

*nods* and *hugs*

It is very scary, all the different archives with their different rules and everything - the whole sides thing is too scary for me, I guess part of the reason that I end up spending so much time lurking...

[artemis10002000]

Nach aktuellem Stand (haha, ich trau der Sache nicht mehr) soll meine Prüfung erst am 25. sein, es sieht für unser Treffen also gleich viel besser aus!

ETA: Also, never mind the dates, I found it, 9th to 13th it is. So now I can meet you in Hamburg on whatever day works best for you! I'm flexible, though I would rather it isn't Monday. I'll be finishing a project at work over the weekend and am always utterly exhausted afterwards.

ETA 2: I'm sorry I keep spamming you like this! Never mind the "not Monday". "Preferably not Tuesday" is better, Tuesdays are the visitor's day in Göttingen and since I won't have exam next Tuesday I might visit the uni Göttingen instead. So Monday-Friday except for Tuesday (unless Tuesday is the only day that works for you)

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

What about Friday, then? We'll have to check out of the hotel in the morning, then we'll put our luggage into the locker on the Hauptbahnhof but we'll have time until almost 8pm afterwards. We can spend that time close to the railway station, doing some shopping, sitting in cafés and gossiping, or seeing some last-minute sights.

I'll send you pictures from Mama and me, and the phone numbers, so that we can organize things and recognize each other. *g*

[artemis10002000]

Friday works perfectly for me!

There is lots to do in the city centre since the shopping district starts right there and Hamburg's really nice to walk around and sit in cafes, too, what with the canals in the city. I'm not such an expert on Hamburg, but with you having been there all week and me having seen some on my past visits (though not as much as I'd have liked) I'm sure we'll have no problem at all passing the time!

I also know where the lockers at the railway station are *lol*

Yeah, I'll be sending you my phone numbers and some pics, too.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I got your mail. I also sent you the phone numbers and the pics. Check out your junk mail, it might have landed there. I sent them vie webmail, as my Outlook Express is actung up lately, and webmail sends from a different address your spam filter might not recognize.

I'm so looking forward to meeting you! *hugs*

[artemis10002000]

Nothing yet but I'll check my spam mail again later.

So looking forward to meeting you, too, that day's gonna be awesome!

[makamu]

Cathatic experiences sometimes really help and I am glad yours worked! As for the MEFAs: I really enjoyed them as awards because the concept was different and I agree with you on the status of adult and slash fiction in fandom. After all, I don't believe in curtailing what the story needs for the sake of a norm of propriety that bans consensual forms of human sexuality (or thoughtful explorations of nonconsensual ones)

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Yes, I liked the system myself, as it got people to read one's stuff, at the very least.

[ithilwen.livejournal.com]

Good for you for lightening your emotional load by discarding a paperweight! Sometimes the wisese course is to know when you've held on to something for far too long.

Of course the MEFA explosion was about the ratings system; it's about the only flaw the awards have - but it's a doozy. (And it wasn't just concerning sex, but violence as well.) There's never going to be general agreement on where the line should be drawn between Mature (allowed) and Adult (not allowed in the contest). The easiest approach to fixing the problem is to just get rid of that distinction. alas, that approach was rejected n part because one of the key MEFA administrators works for a college that has a strict morals clause, and she'd have to quit the MEFAs if that went through. Now that it looks like a new groups will have to take over the awards if they're to be kept running, though, maybe the logical approach will at last be followed.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know, there used to be a great debate right at the beginning, resulting in me being fired as a moderator after a week or so. *snort*

I'm still sorry that the awards are gone, they got me a few new readers every year - something that isn't happening in these days so often.

[ithilwen.livejournal.com]

They may still be held for 2012 (there's a poll being run right now to determine that question; you can vote in it if you're interested), but Marta, Elliska, Aranel Took, and Inkling have said they're definitely not going to run the MEFAs in 2013. However, all may not be lost - some people are holding discussion on reviving the awards for next year. So the MEFAs may be resurrected yet (abet in a slightly different form).

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

It's the different form that concerns me, really.

[ithilwen.livejournal.com]

May I ask what your concerns are?

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

That we'll end up with even more censorship and narrow-mindedness hidden under the 'family friendly' label.

[ithilwen.livejournal.com]

There's little chance of that happening, as the people leading the charge at the moment are Dwimordene and Pandemonium. One thing EVERYONE involved at this point seems to agree on is that the awards should be totally inclusive, with all Tolkien fanfics (even explicitly adult ones) being eligible to compete.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I've tried to catch up with the whole thing, but as I'm currently running picowrimo I just don't have the brainpower to follow what's happening. Not to mention the heat wave of hell. *sighs* I'm so horribly tired, and what little energy I can bring up, I need to get some writing done before summer break ends.

[ithilwen.livejournal.com]

When you have the time, you can catch up with the goings-on over at mefa_ratings. Ignore the community name; it's now the site where the new awards are slowly being constructed.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I know, I'm watching the comm... sort of. There's so much, though, and it goes so rapidly that I just can't really follow things.

[cirdan-havens.livejournal.com]

When and if they can ever ban or eliminate lesbian porn for men, then they can say something. Otherwise, why even bother fighting what's basically human nature? Food and sex are the basics to life. I didn't always like it but have come to accept it.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but what would we be without our lovely double standards, eh?

[jsks.livejournal.com]

Agree with you I am tired of adult relationships, which include sex, being treated as though the readers are like children who need to be protected. Noticed that the dears seem to get the 'vapors' hard when it involves slash the poor dears.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

Not to mention that as a schoolteacher I can tell you for sure that nothing we could come up in a story would be a real surprise for anyone beyond 12. Sad but true.

Edited cuz I can't type by these temperatures. *sighs*

[lhun-dweller.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on your purge! And my compliments on your environmentally responsible choice for disposal!

It can be such a relief to let "baggage" go. I've been doing a bit of that myself at home on my time off this past week, although nothing that was weighing me down in the way you describe. For me, it's more just saying, "Realistically, I'm not going to do/read/use this again/ever, so time to let it go. Off to the garbage/recycling/Goodwill [charity thrift store chain that employs differently-abled people] with it!"

I've been pretty much out of touch with the fanfic realm for a while, due to RL workload, so I appreciate you posting this note. If the folks running MEFA are in the US, remember we're in a presidential election year, and many people are getting very up-in-arms over all sorts of things. Hard economic times seems to bring out the extremes in many people...

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I've always been environmental-friendly, as far as it's possible over here. Funnily enough, I learned it in the cloister, and unlike a lot of other things, it actually stuck.