A tricky question

[wiseheart]

Tamás Vitray, Hungary's all-time greatest sports reporter, a veteran of several Olympic Games and the person who practically introduced the genre of talk shows to the Hungarian audience, wrote several books. Mostly about the Olympic Games he got to report in from. In one of those books, he ponders over the question, which makes you more lonely: if you can't share your joy over a good thing (because nobody gives a shit) or if you can't find comfort in hard times (because nobody gives a shit).

It's a good question I've been trying to answer for decades. I still cannot decide.

Of course, the nobody gives a shit part is highly subjective, and one ought to count one's blessings. The question is still an intriguing one, I find.

Comments

[solanpolarn.livejournal.com]

It is a good question. I think I would lean towards not being able to share your joy over a good thing is lonelier because at least when you are dealing with bad things you know that you are not the only one who has a hard time in the world (sadly, this is just a fact of life). So even if they aren't around and you don't know who they are you do know that they exist and hence that you are not alone. If you want to share a joy on the other hand, there is no guarantee that there even is someone else who would ever actually appreciate it. Now that is not to argue that not having people to support you when times are hard isn't worse... Of course one of the reasons I think this might be because recently I have had more of the former, than the latter, though in all honesty not actually nobody caring just the people I care about and want to share my joy with living somewhere else and therefore not being readily available to share my joys with.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I tend to agree. It hits me hard sometimes that - to use a rather silly example - the fact that XY's cat (insert person and pet of your choice) had the colic draws more interest and sympathies than, say, the recent awful events of my country, including the outcome of the elections. It makes me feel as if I don't matter at all; that my pathetic little country doesn't matter, either, compared with the Tragic Event (TM) of someone's pet having a stomach problem. It works wonders for one's feeling of self-value. Or whatever it's called in English. I'm too tired to look it up. The Germans would call it Selbstwertgefühl.

I can also remember when I used to live in Germany that everyone were outside themselves when a fellow nun's father was ill but nobody gave a shit about my nearly 90-year-old grandmother having fallen and nearly broken her leg. So yeah, it was hard to deal with that.

Still, I find it equally hard when I can't share my joy and relief about something accomplished: like a book or a film that I've been looking for found. Or a story that had been in the work for years finally finished. Especially the latter one, since my writing is a very important part of my life. I've long accepted that I'll never be published, due to the lack of money and/or the right connections, so when I discovered the exitence of fanfic I thought I'd fond a way to get my only true talent appreciated.

Needless to say that it didn't turn out quite as I'd hoped for. But that's life.

[jenn-calaelen.livejournal.com]

For me, it makes me feel lonely when things are bad. It is something that I've noticed a lot, when things are wrong that I don't want to share with my family. When I'm happy it matters less, because I can distract myself from the loneliness with whatever is making me happy.

By the way, thank you for the Christmas card - it arrived yesterday. (The postal service here really is terrible)

[jen-rock.livejournal.com]

I'd say having a joy and not being able to share it with anyone. I don't need comfort so much because when I'm feeling bad, I usually prefer to be left alone but when I'm happy about something and I feel like it doesn't matter because no one will care, that's definitely worse.

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

It did? I'm pleased to hear it! I've given up hope entirely!

[wiseheart.livejournal.com]

I tend to agree with you. This is why I feel so bad when my writing seems to have very little effect on people. Writing is such a joy for me, and I put so much time and research in it, not to mention so much of myself, and then so very few people seem to be interested, and even fewer seem to like it - it's a real killjoy sometimes.

I can whine and feel sorry for me alone perfectly well, OTOH... most of the time.