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Baffled by Bad Slash
Behind the tag, you can find a short essay (sort of) about what baffles me most in the unlikely and ungrounded slash pairings I sometimes come across while reading fanfiction. Don't look if you're easily insulted on behalf of your OTP.
It never ceases to amaze me what unlikely "pairings" people can come up with, just because they want two actors/characters/whatever to do the horizontal mambo. My very first such experience was an original!Trek website called "Little Russian Bedtime Stories", in which everyone and their uncle wanted to get into Chekov's pants. Chekov's! No offence to Walter Koenig, but only Kirk was ever less attractive than Chekov. At least for me. And while I liked Spock as a character, I could never get why would anyone want to "slash" him with anyone else. Firstly - again, no offence to the fantastic Leonard Nimoy - he was anything but attractive. Secondly, he was a Vulcan, for Pete's sake, they only got horny once in seven frigging years, so what was the reason for the whole thing?
Clearly, there must be a subtext in many cases that I simply don't get. I don't get 99 per cent of the LotR slash pairings, either. Especially not the incest or twincest parts. Mot of these "pairings" are so far out of character one couldn't see anything from the original characterization with an electronic microscope or whatnot.
My latest traumatic experience in this area is Sherlock. I mean, I can get Johnlock with some strech of imagination, although personally I prefer them to be friends. But Mycroft/Lestrade? How in seven hells have people come up with that complete insanity? I mean, beside the fact that Lestrade is (un)happily married, what could he possible see in Mycroft, whom he has yet to meet onscreen anyway. Or what could Mycroft possibly see in him?
I'm speaking of the principle of the thing here, not the inanely childish presentation of their so-called "relationship" that reminds one more about giggling schoolgirls than responsible, mature male adults. But again, considering the likely age of the perpetrators who pour all that drivel over our heads, that's probably not so surprising.
The other thing that baffles me to no end is the Mycroft/Sherlock incest. I mean, it doesn't make any sense, nor is there any subtexts, IMO, that would support it. The Holmes boys certainly have a difficult relationship, but I seriously doubt that sex - or any "romantic" feelings - would be part of it. There is, for starters, Sherlock's clearly asexual nature; then there is the sibling rivalry. Not to mention Mycroft's ring that can have a dozen different meanings (especially as Anthea seems to wear a similar one).
I could never understand the fascination with incest anyway. I can shrug it off in the LOTR-fandom, where Elladan/Elrohir twincest seemed to be a very popular feature once, mostly because Elrond's sons have no personality whatsoever in The Books and it would be therefore hard to portray them OOC. But Merry/Pippin stories turn my stomach inside out, and I get homicidal from Forod/Sam. Because yeah, Sam with his 13 children and utter respect for Frodo would only ever wait to get into Frodo's breeches - not!
Subtext is a very delicate thing. It's present in a lot less things than rabid slashers would like to find it. For example: in the "Tour of Duty" fandom, I can totally accept Goldman/Anderson, despite the fact that both characters had ample love interests of the opposite sex. But Goldman/McKay never fails to make me gag with disbelief. Just because two characters can't stand each other and fight all the time, it doesn't always mean a bad case of UST (=unresolved sexual tension for the innocent among us). Sometimes people just can't stand each other, period.
Interestingly enough, I haven't come across any John/Harry Watson incest yet, thank God and all guardian angels. So, why is it that it's always the male siblings that are supposed to do the dirty, even if there's nothing in the original that would support the idea? Why do badfic writers have this irresistible urge to write horrible sex scenes about characters who most likely won't touch each other with a ten-foot pole, either out of respect or out of hatred? Even after ten years on FF.Net, I can't understand this tendency. I really can't.
Which is what makes the Sherlock section on FF.Net such a hard place to find anything worth reading. So, here I'm giving you a few author names that won't disappoint you if you want to read really good stories:
senvenpercent
chappysmom
stillwaters1
And that's basically it, since![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
saki101 doesn't post to FF.Net. All other authors are to be approached with care. You can get nasty surprises when you expect them the least.
It never ceases to amaze me what unlikely "pairings" people can come up with, just because they want two actors/characters/whatever to do the horizontal mambo. My very first such experience was an original!Trek website called "Little Russian Bedtime Stories", in which everyone and their uncle wanted to get into Chekov's pants. Chekov's! No offence to Walter Koenig, but only Kirk was ever less attractive than Chekov. At least for me. And while I liked Spock as a character, I could never get why would anyone want to "slash" him with anyone else. Firstly - again, no offence to the fantastic Leonard Nimoy - he was anything but attractive. Secondly, he was a Vulcan, for Pete's sake, they only got horny once in seven frigging years, so what was the reason for the whole thing?
Clearly, there must be a subtext in many cases that I simply don't get. I don't get 99 per cent of the LotR slash pairings, either. Especially not the incest or twincest parts. Mot of these "pairings" are so far out of character one couldn't see anything from the original characterization with an electronic microscope or whatnot.
My latest traumatic experience in this area is Sherlock. I mean, I can get Johnlock with some strech of imagination, although personally I prefer them to be friends. But Mycroft/Lestrade? How in seven hells have people come up with that complete insanity? I mean, beside the fact that Lestrade is (un)happily married, what could he possible see in Mycroft, whom he has yet to meet onscreen anyway. Or what could Mycroft possibly see in him?
I'm speaking of the principle of the thing here, not the inanely childish presentation of their so-called "relationship" that reminds one more about giggling schoolgirls than responsible, mature male adults. But again, considering the likely age of the perpetrators who pour all that drivel over our heads, that's probably not so surprising.
The other thing that baffles me to no end is the Mycroft/Sherlock incest. I mean, it doesn't make any sense, nor is there any subtexts, IMO, that would support it. The Holmes boys certainly have a difficult relationship, but I seriously doubt that sex - or any "romantic" feelings - would be part of it. There is, for starters, Sherlock's clearly asexual nature; then there is the sibling rivalry. Not to mention Mycroft's ring that can have a dozen different meanings (especially as Anthea seems to wear a similar one).
I could never understand the fascination with incest anyway. I can shrug it off in the LOTR-fandom, where Elladan/Elrohir twincest seemed to be a very popular feature once, mostly because Elrond's sons have no personality whatsoever in The Books and it would be therefore hard to portray them OOC. But Merry/Pippin stories turn my stomach inside out, and I get homicidal from Forod/Sam. Because yeah, Sam with his 13 children and utter respect for Frodo would only ever wait to get into Frodo's breeches - not!
Subtext is a very delicate thing. It's present in a lot less things than rabid slashers would like to find it. For example: in the "Tour of Duty" fandom, I can totally accept Goldman/Anderson, despite the fact that both characters had ample love interests of the opposite sex. But Goldman/McKay never fails to make me gag with disbelief. Just because two characters can't stand each other and fight all the time, it doesn't always mean a bad case of UST (=unresolved sexual tension for the innocent among us). Sometimes people just can't stand each other, period.
Interestingly enough, I haven't come across any John/Harry Watson incest yet, thank God and all guardian angels. So, why is it that it's always the male siblings that are supposed to do the dirty, even if there's nothing in the original that would support the idea? Why do badfic writers have this irresistible urge to write horrible sex scenes about characters who most likely won't touch each other with a ten-foot pole, either out of respect or out of hatred? Even after ten years on FF.Net, I can't understand this tendency. I really can't.
Which is what makes the Sherlock section on FF.Net such a hard place to find anything worth reading. So, here I'm giving you a few author names that won't disappoint you if you want to read really good stories:
senvenpercent
chappysmom
stillwaters1
And that's basically it, since
saki101 doesn't post to FF.Net. All other authors are to be approached with care. You can get nasty surprises when you expect them the least.
no subject
As for LOTR, I blame the actors! *gg* (I know that doesn't explain Elrohir/Elladan, but then I try to stay far away from any incest pairings!)
I don't get Mystrade either - as you said, they haven't even met so far!
[..."Why do badfic writers have this irresistible urge to write horrible sex scenes about characters who most likely won't touch each other with a ten-foot pole, either out of respect or out of hatred? Even after ten years on FF.Net, I can't understand this tendency. I really can't."...]
XD Kudos to everyone who dares to venture into the pit, to be honest! XD (Hail the victorious dead?) It's one of the reasons I don't go there, I don't have time to wade through a bazillion badfics to find one gem...I'll check out your reccs though! :D
If you'd like some more reccs, and don't mind looking elsewhere I can gladly recommend AJHall, especially Riggign Screws, size 1 3/8 inch, galvanised and Lift up Mine Eyes to the Hills, and "The Poster Girl" by stardust_made! ;)
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no subject
And I hate the whole BNF phenomenon! (remember Cassandra Clare? Ugh.)
no subject
Thanks for the Sherlock links, BTW. I took a look, and I don't doubt that they are very well written. But the stories are such an extreme AU, in settings that are very different from the original, as far as I could see, and that's simply not my thing. I prefer my characters in the setting I met them to begin with. That's why I never read any modern-day Merlin AUs, no matter how good they might be, or why I avoid any stories in which, say, SGAs Sheppard and McKay are in the music industry, or any high school fics, which are usually hideous anyway.
I have nothing against a really good AU, but I prefer AUs in which only a small number of circumstances are different. Yes, I'm strange that way, I know.