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Special Unit 3 - Part 9 of 9
Title: SPECIAL UNIT 3
Author: Soledad
Fandom: Torchwood/Special Unit 2 x-over, with a guest appearance of the Tenth Doctor.
Category: Heavy-duty Gwen bashing and a great deal of silliness.
Rating: 14+, for language.
Genre: Crackfic, with gender bending, body swap, whatever – the whole nine miles. Including mpreg, this time... well, sort of.
Series: none
Timeframe: indefinite. Perhaps “Sleepers”, from Series 2 for Torchwood, but not necessarily.
Summary: Once again, Gwen fumbles around with something she was told not to touch. The consequences are… unusual.
Disclaimer: the usual: don’t own, don’t sue! Everything belongs to RTD and BBC - and UPN, respectively.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
EPILOGUE
Author’s notes:
Well, I thought if the story’s over, it could at least go out with a bang. ;) I've never in my life finished a story quite this quickly.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Six months later the artefact was recharged and as ready as it would ever be. Both the Doctor and Archie McAllister got messages from Jack, though, to wait with their return until further notice. There was no detail, no explanation. So – following Tosh’ suggestion – the Doctor called Martha, who in turn called her little sister Tish, who was recently working as a part-time receptionist for Torchwood Three, and so they all figured out the reason in no time.
Ianto was pregnant.
While he and Jack generally practiced safer sex, a minor accident had happened during one of their more… energetic sessions, and Ianto got knocked up. After the first shock, they decided to keep the baby and cajoled Ianto’s sister Rhiannon to raise it alongside her own two kids. Torchwood was not the place to raise a baby, after all.
They hadn’t told Rhiannon the whole truth, of course – not that she’d ever believe it. She thought that “Alice” was a surrogate mother who carried the baby to term for Jack and Ianto for money, while Ianto’s apparent absence was explained by telling her that her brother was temporarily reassigned to Glasgow to help cleaning up the archives there.
This meant, however, that Ianto couldn’t be changed back just yet; no-one could tell what would become of the baby, not even the doctor. So they had to wait. All of them had to wait, as they couldn’t hope to make the artefact work for a third time. Even the second chance was more than a little doubtful.
Andy wasn’t particularly bothered by that – he was essentially living the same life he’d be living in his true form – but Owen was livid.
“So, I’m gonna have tits for another three months at the very least, just because you were both too horny to use condoms that would actually work?” he fumed. “And if it wasn’t bad enough, I’ll have to play midwife to Teaboy, too?”
“Sue me,” Jack replied flatly. “If you find a court that would believe your hair-raising story, that is. I’ll visit you in the psychiatric hospital then.”
There was a very serious, almost threatening undertone in his voice, and Owen knew well Jack well enough not to overstrain his patience. So he shut up, but was not happy about the fact that he’d have to remain a woman longer than originally expected. The novelty of it had long worn out – including his torrid affair with Andy – and he was eager to be the predator again.
At the moment, however, he couldn’t do a thing to speed events up a little.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The birth of Baby Alice (named after Ianto’s female alter ego) was a somewhat hysterical affair. As Alice Cramer didn’t actually exist (not in Cardiff anyway, and they couldn’t really pretend that the original Alice was visiting the UK just to get a baby), Ianto had to go to Glasgow where Archie McAllister had excellent contacts to the Royal Hospital. Jack went with him, of course, leaving the Hub in Owen’s graceful hands, praying that the Rift would behave, because Owen and PMS were a rather volatile mix.
So Baby Alice was born to Ianto Jones and Jack Harkness in Glasgow, and her birth certificate named two fathers and a certain Alice Cramer as her mother, of whom no further data were available. Archie took care of all the necessary details and was nominated as the godfather of the baby. She was a pretty little thing, with the bright blue eyes of both her fathers and Ianto’s button-like nose, which looked very cute in the middle of her tiny face.
Martha, who’d come to help delivering the baby, warned them not to undergo the gender reversal until Ianto had completely recovered from giving birth, though.
“You need to be fully healed in the inside,” she warned him. “The metamorphosis puts a great stress on the human body, there’s no way to tell what it would do to you in your current state. Besides, it’s better for the baby if she gets breast-fed, at least for the first couple of months.”
For the rest of his life, Ianto Jones would adamantly deny that he’d passed out from the mere idea of breast feeding.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Nonetheless, that was the way to go, and it took another four months until Martha declared Ianto fit to be changed back and the baby to be weaned and separated from her mother. Once again, the Doctor and Archie were called to give the artefact one last try. Tosh, too, came with the Doctor, excited about all the wonders she’d seen on her great adventure, but happy to be back.
“Now that there is no Suzie to creep me out and no Gwen to get on my nerves, it could be actually nice to continue my work here,” she said to Ianto. “It’s just a shame that there won’t be any more girls, what with Tish leaving again. Are you sure you don’t want to stay the way you’re now? You know we can’t guarantee a lucky outcome. Not with one hundred per cent certainty.”
“I know, Tosh,” Ianto replied, “but I’m willing to take the risk. Being a woman was a fun experience – well, not the pregnant part of it, or the giving birth part of it, obviously – but I want to be myself again. Being the humble archivist might be less spectacular, but that’s what I was always meant to be. Not Wonder Woman.”
Tosh nodded in understanding. “Yeah, the same here,” she said. “I enjoyed travelling with the Doctor very much, and I learned a great deal about alien tech I’d never have dreamt of. But this… this is real. This is home, and I’ve missed it.”
Their peaceful moment was rudely interrupted by Owen who looked in, his lovely face full of impatience and anxiety.
“O, Teaboy!” he growled. “Move your arse down to the cells! I want my dick back, and they’re about to start any time now.”
Ianto sighed and rose gracefully. “You’re such a prick, Owen, to begin with – I really don’t see why you’d need an extra one,” he said, but followed the pretty doctor obediently.
He did want to get back the trademark Jones family jewels, too.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
An hour later everything was over. Ianto, Owen and Andy were back to the original, and even Myfanwy was a pterodactyl again, even though everyone agreed that she’d been a lot more useful – not to mention much cheaper to feed – as a rubbish-eating green octopus.
“I could take her back to her own time,” the Doctor offered, and after some hesitation Ianto agreed to let him do so. At least it spared them the concern that Baby Alice might be accidentally eaten by a hungry prehistoric reptile.
Speaking of which, the naming feast of Baby Alice was a fairly spectacular affair. They held it in Owen’s penthouse, as he alone of the entire team had a flat large enough for all the party guests. The guest list included the Doctor, Martha and Tish, Rhiannon and her family (including the kids), Archie McAllister and Detective Kathy Swanson, just because Jack liked her a lot.
Ianto didn’t really mind. He was back in one of his impeccable suits again and felt supremely himself. Tosh looked like a princess from a fairly tale, and even Jack abandoned his military coat for the evening. He was devastatingly gorgeous in his tuxedo, Ianto decided with proprietary pride.
Baby Alice was admired from all sides, her beauty and good nature discussed in considerable length, and she was given way too many presents. It was decided that she’d wear Jones as her family name, since Jack officially didn’t even exist. Besides, it made look more natural for Rhiannon to raise her as her brother’s kid when they had the same surname.
Before the guests would depart, Jack stood and rapped the rim of his glass with a spoon.
“I want to make a toast,” he said. “To Gwen Cooper, without whose stupidity we couldn’t have our wonderful daughter now. May she have a long and happy life with Rhys – far, far away from here!”
The others laughed at the backhanded compliment but joined the toast nevertheless. Then came the time of goodbyes with the Doctor and Archie departing and Rhiannon taking the baby home with her.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” she asked her brother. “Aren’t you gonna miss her something fierce?”
“I already am,” Ianto replied, “but it’s for the best, Rhi. Our work doesn’t really agree with having a family.”
“Why having this baby in the first place, then?” Rhiannon asked. As Ianto gave no answer, she nodded grimly. “I see. There’s more behind this than just you and Jack wanting a child, right? Something you aren’t telling me. But why? I’m your sister, Ianto; I’d support you, no matter what.”
“I know,” Ianto replied, “but trust me, it’s better so. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to tell you the whole story… but not yet. Can you be patient for the time being?”
Rhiannon grinned. “I’m a Jones, and I’m married to Johnnie Davies. What do you think?”
~The End~
Author: Soledad
Fandom: Torchwood/Special Unit 2 x-over, with a guest appearance of the Tenth Doctor.
Category: Heavy-duty Gwen bashing and a great deal of silliness.
Rating: 14+, for language.
Genre: Crackfic, with gender bending, body swap, whatever – the whole nine miles. Including mpreg, this time... well, sort of.
Series: none
Timeframe: indefinite. Perhaps “Sleepers”, from Series 2 for Torchwood, but not necessarily.
Summary: Once again, Gwen fumbles around with something she was told not to touch. The consequences are… unusual.
Disclaimer: the usual: don’t own, don’t sue! Everything belongs to RTD and BBC - and UPN, respectively.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
EPILOGUE
Author’s notes:
Well, I thought if the story’s over, it could at least go out with a bang. ;) I've never in my life finished a story quite this quickly.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Six months later the artefact was recharged and as ready as it would ever be. Both the Doctor and Archie McAllister got messages from Jack, though, to wait with their return until further notice. There was no detail, no explanation. So – following Tosh’ suggestion – the Doctor called Martha, who in turn called her little sister Tish, who was recently working as a part-time receptionist for Torchwood Three, and so they all figured out the reason in no time.
Ianto was pregnant.
While he and Jack generally practiced safer sex, a minor accident had happened during one of their more… energetic sessions, and Ianto got knocked up. After the first shock, they decided to keep the baby and cajoled Ianto’s sister Rhiannon to raise it alongside her own two kids. Torchwood was not the place to raise a baby, after all.
They hadn’t told Rhiannon the whole truth, of course – not that she’d ever believe it. She thought that “Alice” was a surrogate mother who carried the baby to term for Jack and Ianto for money, while Ianto’s apparent absence was explained by telling her that her brother was temporarily reassigned to Glasgow to help cleaning up the archives there.
This meant, however, that Ianto couldn’t be changed back just yet; no-one could tell what would become of the baby, not even the doctor. So they had to wait. All of them had to wait, as they couldn’t hope to make the artefact work for a third time. Even the second chance was more than a little doubtful.
Andy wasn’t particularly bothered by that – he was essentially living the same life he’d be living in his true form – but Owen was livid.
“So, I’m gonna have tits for another three months at the very least, just because you were both too horny to use condoms that would actually work?” he fumed. “And if it wasn’t bad enough, I’ll have to play midwife to Teaboy, too?”
“Sue me,” Jack replied flatly. “If you find a court that would believe your hair-raising story, that is. I’ll visit you in the psychiatric hospital then.”
There was a very serious, almost threatening undertone in his voice, and Owen knew well Jack well enough not to overstrain his patience. So he shut up, but was not happy about the fact that he’d have to remain a woman longer than originally expected. The novelty of it had long worn out – including his torrid affair with Andy – and he was eager to be the predator again.
At the moment, however, he couldn’t do a thing to speed events up a little.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The birth of Baby Alice (named after Ianto’s female alter ego) was a somewhat hysterical affair. As Alice Cramer didn’t actually exist (not in Cardiff anyway, and they couldn’t really pretend that the original Alice was visiting the UK just to get a baby), Ianto had to go to Glasgow where Archie McAllister had excellent contacts to the Royal Hospital. Jack went with him, of course, leaving the Hub in Owen’s graceful hands, praying that the Rift would behave, because Owen and PMS were a rather volatile mix.
So Baby Alice was born to Ianto Jones and Jack Harkness in Glasgow, and her birth certificate named two fathers and a certain Alice Cramer as her mother, of whom no further data were available. Archie took care of all the necessary details and was nominated as the godfather of the baby. She was a pretty little thing, with the bright blue eyes of both her fathers and Ianto’s button-like nose, which looked very cute in the middle of her tiny face.
Martha, who’d come to help delivering the baby, warned them not to undergo the gender reversal until Ianto had completely recovered from giving birth, though.
“You need to be fully healed in the inside,” she warned him. “The metamorphosis puts a great stress on the human body, there’s no way to tell what it would do to you in your current state. Besides, it’s better for the baby if she gets breast-fed, at least for the first couple of months.”
For the rest of his life, Ianto Jones would adamantly deny that he’d passed out from the mere idea of breast feeding.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Nonetheless, that was the way to go, and it took another four months until Martha declared Ianto fit to be changed back and the baby to be weaned and separated from her mother. Once again, the Doctor and Archie were called to give the artefact one last try. Tosh, too, came with the Doctor, excited about all the wonders she’d seen on her great adventure, but happy to be back.
“Now that there is no Suzie to creep me out and no Gwen to get on my nerves, it could be actually nice to continue my work here,” she said to Ianto. “It’s just a shame that there won’t be any more girls, what with Tish leaving again. Are you sure you don’t want to stay the way you’re now? You know we can’t guarantee a lucky outcome. Not with one hundred per cent certainty.”
“I know, Tosh,” Ianto replied, “but I’m willing to take the risk. Being a woman was a fun experience – well, not the pregnant part of it, or the giving birth part of it, obviously – but I want to be myself again. Being the humble archivist might be less spectacular, but that’s what I was always meant to be. Not Wonder Woman.”
Tosh nodded in understanding. “Yeah, the same here,” she said. “I enjoyed travelling with the Doctor very much, and I learned a great deal about alien tech I’d never have dreamt of. But this… this is real. This is home, and I’ve missed it.”
Their peaceful moment was rudely interrupted by Owen who looked in, his lovely face full of impatience and anxiety.
“O, Teaboy!” he growled. “Move your arse down to the cells! I want my dick back, and they’re about to start any time now.”
Ianto sighed and rose gracefully. “You’re such a prick, Owen, to begin with – I really don’t see why you’d need an extra one,” he said, but followed the pretty doctor obediently.
He did want to get back the trademark Jones family jewels, too.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
An hour later everything was over. Ianto, Owen and Andy were back to the original, and even Myfanwy was a pterodactyl again, even though everyone agreed that she’d been a lot more useful – not to mention much cheaper to feed – as a rubbish-eating green octopus.
“I could take her back to her own time,” the Doctor offered, and after some hesitation Ianto agreed to let him do so. At least it spared them the concern that Baby Alice might be accidentally eaten by a hungry prehistoric reptile.
Speaking of which, the naming feast of Baby Alice was a fairly spectacular affair. They held it in Owen’s penthouse, as he alone of the entire team had a flat large enough for all the party guests. The guest list included the Doctor, Martha and Tish, Rhiannon and her family (including the kids), Archie McAllister and Detective Kathy Swanson, just because Jack liked her a lot.
Ianto didn’t really mind. He was back in one of his impeccable suits again and felt supremely himself. Tosh looked like a princess from a fairly tale, and even Jack abandoned his military coat for the evening. He was devastatingly gorgeous in his tuxedo, Ianto decided with proprietary pride.
Baby Alice was admired from all sides, her beauty and good nature discussed in considerable length, and she was given way too many presents. It was decided that she’d wear Jones as her family name, since Jack officially didn’t even exist. Besides, it made look more natural for Rhiannon to raise her as her brother’s kid when they had the same surname.
Before the guests would depart, Jack stood and rapped the rim of his glass with a spoon.
“I want to make a toast,” he said. “To Gwen Cooper, without whose stupidity we couldn’t have our wonderful daughter now. May she have a long and happy life with Rhys – far, far away from here!”
The others laughed at the backhanded compliment but joined the toast nevertheless. Then came the time of goodbyes with the Doctor and Archie departing and Rhiannon taking the baby home with her.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” she asked her brother. “Aren’t you gonna miss her something fierce?”
“I already am,” Ianto replied, “but it’s for the best, Rhi. Our work doesn’t really agree with having a family.”
“Why having this baby in the first place, then?” Rhiannon asked. As Ianto gave no answer, she nodded grimly. “I see. There’s more behind this than just you and Jack wanting a child, right? Something you aren’t telling me. But why? I’m your sister, Ianto; I’d support you, no matter what.”
“I know,” Ianto replied, “but trust me, it’s better so. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to tell you the whole story… but not yet. Can you be patient for the time being?”
Rhiannon grinned. “I’m a Jones, and I’m married to Johnnie Davies. What do you think?”
~The End~